


If You Built Yourself a Myth

by cavaleira



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Rescue Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-26
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-12 23:53:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/817515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cavaleira/pseuds/cavaleira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A magical artifact causes Thor's elemental powers to backfire and overload him, leaving him comatose and barely holding on as the power consumes him. Loki is the only one who can stop it, by going inside Thor's mind and helping him master the power once more. Loki must find his way through Thor's memories in a desperate bid to find the real Thor amongst the chaos before it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Magician and the Fool

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [筑梦为巢 If You Built Yourself a Myth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1112106) by [wheniseeyou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheniseeyou/pseuds/wheniseeyou)



> This is part of a fic/art collab with the lovely and talented griseldajane. She did some beautiful drawings that you'll find embedded into certain parts of the story. It was truly a pleasure working with her! If you want to see all of the drawings in one place, you can go [here.](http://griseldajane.tumblr.com/post/51429470376/the-collaborative-project-series-one-for-the)
> 
> Also, note that this fic has a spoiler for Iron Man 3 mentioned in the first chapter.
> 
> Title is shamelessly stolen from Beach House's gorgeous song, "Myth".

Loki is in New York reading on his living room couch when the lights go out.

It starts with a brief flare of immense power that lights up the room, making Loki squint against the brightness. Before he can even react, a great whoosh sounds in the air and then it's as if all of the energy is sucked out of the room, little streaks of light that are gone in the blink of an eye.

Something terribly wrong is happening, something _unnatural._ Loki can't help but feel a deep sense of foreboding. Though he most often views himself as above petty emotions like fear, he's also not a fool. Above all else, Loki is a pragmatist and a little healthy fear has saved him more times than he can count. The most important thing right now is finding out as much information as possible and Loki knows that he will learn nothing by just sitting there in the dark. Loki stands up and gestures fluidly with his hand, conjuring a small blue magelight to hover in the air and light his way. He carefully moves through the penthouse and then opens the balcony's sliding glass door, stepping out into the summer evening air. 

"By the Norns," he breathes out. The so-called City that Never Sleeps has been plunged into total darkness. There are no streetlights, no flashing signs, and the street below is full of cars and taxis that have suddenly stopped working. Loki can hear the sounds of mortals speaking, their voices shrill and rising in fear. For several moments, Loki simply watches in morbid curiosity. It's not about the mortals, as he can't say that he really cares whether they live or die; it's the situation itself that leaves him on edge.

This is more than just a simple power outage. Loki knows what he felt right before everything went dark. The incident was magical in nature, and oddly enough, the magic seemed almost familiar. As Loki watches the people of New York panic, his thoughts come rapidly and the pieces start slotting together: the raw elemental power, the way it affected the electricity, and the familiarity of it. It all points to one source. 

"Thor," Loki mutters to himself, "what have you gotten yourself into this time?"

Because Thor - fool that he is - has a ridiculous fondness for mortals and would never do anything to intentionally cause them harm. Whatever has gone wrong clearly happened against Thor's will, and from the amount of power at play, the situation must be very dire indeed.

It would be better if Loki could just leave it alone. He shouldn't care about Thor being harmed. After all, he's spent the past five years scheming and wreaking havoc on Thor and his friends. And yet he feels the urge to find out what happened, driven by his curiosity and the odd possessiveness of Thor that he can never quite shake. 

Loki swallows hard, his throat tight with the bitter knowledge that he will go to Thor's aid now, even after everything that has passed between them. Thor is ever the stupid, brave idiot and Loki the shrewd, clever one to save him from his own foolishness. It is weakness, plain and simple. They are not brothers and Loki is under no obligation to help Thor. However, it seems that they cannot escape each other; they must always be _something_ to each other, whether it be the closest of brothers or the bitterest of rivals.

It shouldn't end like this, Thor felled at the hands of another. It should be the two of them facing off against each other, a final showdown where Loki can at long last prove himself as Thor's better. Loki laughs bitterly to himself. It seems that even _he_ has some twisted sense of honor left within him.

Loki takes a deep breath, quieting his mind so that he can concentrate. He lets his magic reach out with little tendrils, tracking the residue of the disturbance back to its source. His body becomes ether as he teleports and travels towards it. While Loki doesn't know exactly what he'll find there, he's certain that Thor will be at the center of it.

***

  


When Loki arrives, it's pure chaos and he can't help but take some pleasure in it. The streets of Manhattan are overrun with humans, panicking and yelling in an attempt to make sense of what has happened. There are flames of a few scattered lanterns and torches, lonely beacons cutting through the overbearing darkness. From what Loki can make out, most of the torchbearers seem to be wearing SHIELD uniforms; it seems that some humans _do_ possess the ability to be rational in the face of danger. Loki mutters a brief spell to make himself unnoticeable and then starts walking forward. As Loki effortlessly glides through the mob of people, he also comes across a slew of stinking, motionless corpses that appear to be _draugr_ of some kind.

After a few more moments of looking around, he finally sees something to point him in the right direction. Captain America, Iron Man, and Black Widow are further down the street, huddled around something on the ground. The Captain holds a torch in one hand, the weak light illuminating their faces.

Loki curses under his breath at the sight of them. It's been five years since their first encounter and it's truly shameful that he still hasn't managed to destroy them yet. He's also painfully aware of the fact that he himself was the catalyst that brought them all together. But Loki doesn't like to dwell on his own personal regrets, not when it's so much more rewarding to nurse his grudges. 

The archer and the green monster are nowhere to be found. Loki supposes they must have been off on business elsewhere, as the Avengers' talents are in high demand. He cannot say that he's terribly upset by their absence.

As Loki approaches, he can almost make out the figure on the ground. His suspicions are raised when it appears that there are little bits of sparks dancing around it. When he's roughly ten feet away, he has his answer: it is indeed Thor. The concrete is cracked like a small crater around him, as if he smashed into it with great force. Mjolnir is tightly within his grip and crackling with energy beside him. 

Thor's body is prone and his armor is battered and streaked with dirt and sweat. His skin is pale and his face has gone slack. But the most alarming part of all is the steady crackling of lightning in his eyes. Loki has seen sparks flash in Thor's eyes during battle or in moments of intense rage, but never like this and never for this long. The wrongness of it makes Loki's skin crawl.

Before Loki can think better of it, he's moving forward and shoving Thor's friends out of the way so that he can crouch down beside his former brother. 

"Thor," Loki calls out as he takes Thor's shoulders in his hands and shakes him. The lightning crackles a bit brighter in Thor's eyes, but Thor doesn't stir. Loki mutters obscenities to himself under his breath. He starts considering which spells he might use to try and rouse Thor when he hears the cocking of a gun behind him.

"Get away from him. _Now_. _"_

Loki stands up and slowly turns around to find himself face to face with the Black Widow and staring down the barrel of her gun. The Captain and Iron Man stand beside her, glaring at Loki. Like Thor, they all look a little worse for wear, dirty and exhausted. Though Stark is dressed in his full armor (with the exception of his faceplate), the parts of his suit that are usually illuminated have gone dark. The three of them hover around Thor defensively, their bodies tightly coiled and ready to strike out at their enemy.

Loki crosses his arms and smirks at them. "Oh, I'd like to see you try."

Romanov glowers at him and cocks her gun again. Loki smiles at the empty threat.

"Come to finish the job then," Rogers says, gesturing down at Thor.

"No. This is not my doing."

"Forgive me if I find that hard to believe," Romanov says.

"Believe what you will," Loki says. "It's none of my concern."

She looks around for a brief moment before fixing her sharp gaze on Loki again. "Why has no one else noticed you?"

"They can't see me," Loki says dryly. "The only reason you can is that I need information and you're the only remotely intelligent people for miles."

Stark raises an eyebrow. "Thank you?"

"Enough pleasantries. Now tell me what happened," Loki demands.

The three of them look at him warily, but then they all glance down at their fallen comrade. Loki can't help but glance at Thor too, and he forces himself to tamp down on his own foolish worry.

The Avengers exchange a series of looks, as if struggling to reach a consensus on their next course of action. From the resignation that eventually settles over their features, Loki can tell what they have decided. Though they do not trust Loki, it seems that their desperation and concern for Thor have won out for now.

Loki can't say he's surprised when the Captain is the one to speak, always willing to play the fearless leader. He is so like Thor sometimes, stupidly noble to the point of being nauseating.

"Apparently there was some kind of stone that got unearthed during a construction project earlier today," he says. "Didn't look like much until some teenagers disturbed it when they were messing around on the construction site tonight."

Loki rolls his eyes. Mortals can be so terribly careless sometimes.

"It started having a reaction, spawning those creatures," Rogers continues, gesturing to the rotting bodies around them. "SHIELD came and killed one, but then more kept coming. They attacked the stone itself, but that only seemed to make it worse. That's when they called us in."

Loki strokes his chin thoughtfully. "Tell me more about this stone."

"Natasha was able to get pretty close to it, she said it had some strange markings on it," Stark says.

"It was gray with little flecks of silver," Romanov says, "and it looked like there were some sort of Egyptian hieroglyphics on it, the jackal-headed god."

Loki's eyes widen. "The Necromancer's Stone," he says as the realization dawns on him. 

"And what exactly does that mean?" Rogers asks.

"It is an ancient artifact, one of great power," Loki says. "It was thought to have been lost. From the last account I could find, it was in the possession of a mortal witch who resided not far from here a few centuries ago."

Loki looks at the carnage around them and sighs bitterly. "Let me guess: it was destroyed."

"Um...obviously," Stark says, rolling his eyes. 

There are so many things Loki could have done with such a powerful item, but it doesn't matter now. Loki finds it hard to truly focus on it anyway, not when he keeps stealing glances down at Thor and once again being struck by how unnatural he looks.

"Necromancer's stone, huh? I guess that explains the zombies then," Stark says.

"It feeds on life force and uses it to fuel itself. For those with a talent for sorcery, its power can be harnessed and used as they see fit. But for those fools who don't know what they're doing," Loki says pointedly, "the stone will react and seek to defend itself from harm."

"Yeah yeah, we don't know anything about magic, I get it," Stark says sarcastically. "Are you done? Or do you want to know what happened next?"

Loki frowns, but nods for them to continue.

"Alright, long story short," Stark says. "We were all trying to destroy the stone, especially Thor since he's our heavy hitter. He struck it with lightning, I don't know, at least five times and it had no effect. That's a hell of a lot of power. But I don't have to tell _you_ how powerful Thor is, considering how many times he's beat you and all."

Loki scowls, but before he can make a biting comment, Romanov cuts in.

"Thor flew up into the air and then he came down hard and hit the stone with Mjolnir," she says. "There was a bright flash and then I heard his body hit the ground. When I could see again, he was having convulsions and it was like the energy from the stone and from the city itself, was just... flooding him."

"Exactly," Stark says. "All of the light hit him, like some sort of... lightning rod," he frowns. "Okay, not my best analogy, but it's been a long day, cut me a little slack. I mean, I'm lucky I don't have an arc reactor in my chest anymore, otherwise I'd have a heart full of shrapnel right now."

"That's quite enough," Loki says sharply. This whole conversation is a farce and they are wasting valuable time. He looks down at Thor, his eyes still flashing with sparks and his skin the same unnatural pallor. When they were younger and had newly come into their powers, sometimes Thor's skin would spark with lightning when they kissed. They had thought it funny back then, but this? This is no laughing matter.

"So you know what's wrong with him then?" Rogers asks.

Loki nods. "The Necromancer's Stone itself was incredibly powerful and Thor only fed it _more_ power when he struck it with his attacks. When it was destroyed, all of the energy had to go somewhere, and where better than the God of Thunder?"

Thor's body suddenly convulses and they all look down helplessly. There is a collective sigh of relief when Thor goes still again and his breathing evens out.

"As I..." Loki starts, forcing himself to recover. "As I was saying, the force of it created a vacuum that also allowed Thor to absorb all of the city's power. He is overloaded and lost within his own mind now. If he remains like this for much longer, it will burn him from the inside out. Just look at him," Loki gestures. "He's already straining, struggling to control it."

"So what are you suggesting we do then?" Romanov says, crossing her arms and looking at Loki with cold suspicion. Though he would never say so out loud, Loki has to admit a grudging respect for her. Despite Stark's constant bragging about his own intelligence, it is _she_ who is the most shrewd of them all. He has never forgotten the way she thwarted him during the Chitauri invasion. But although Loki has learned not to underestimate her, not even she can stand in the way of what he must do tonight.

"Thor is confused," Loki says, "and his mind is fracturing as we speak. Someone must go into his mind and get him to harness his power once more."

"And let me guess," Stark says sarcastically, "you think it should be you."

"I don't see any other sorcerers here, do you?" Loki says archly, raising an eyebrow. He's doing his best to stay on his toes, but every time he looks at Thor he feels that his veneer is slipping. Because he is not just exaggerating the circumstances to rile up Thor's friends; the situation really is that grim. 

Rogers gives Loki a hard look. "Then take us with you," he demands.

Loki shakes his head and lets out a snort of laughter. "I will do no such thing. I need all of my magic for this task. I'm not going to waste it on you mortals, especially when you'll only be underfoot and in my way."

Romanov does not look impressed by this at all. "So what's to stop you from killing him once you're inside, or controlling his mind for your own ends?"

"Nothing," Loki says simply. "But you're not in a position to make bargains with me. It's very straightforward, my dear. I perform this task or Thor dies. If he survives, he could release the energy safely and return the power to your city. But if he dies? Well, let's just say the outcome is less than ideal."

"I don't like this," Rogers says.

"I can't say that I'm terribly fond of it myself," Loki says, his voice sobering as he looks down at Thor. "You only cost Thor time by arguing with me," Loki continues. "Ask yourself, what choice do you have? Your city is in turmoil and none of your little devices work."

Stark rolls his eyes. "Look Gargamel," he says, and even though it's not even a reference Loki understands, he can tell when he's being insulted. "I know you like to think you're always the smartest guy in the room, but I built an arc reactor while trapped in a cave," he continues. "I think I can probably come up with something to take care of this little problem."

Loki laughs cruelly. He could almost admire the man's bravado if it wasn't so foolish and misplaced. "No Mr. Stark," he says, "I fear this is... what's the expression? Ah yes, above your pay grade."

While humans are curious and sometimes clever, they are but children in the grand scheme of things. Loki has lived for over a thousand years and has seen things that these mortals cannot even begin to grasp. He has wandered across all of the Nine Realms. He has travelled down to the roots of Yggdrasil itself, has stood there and communed with the source of all life. These mortals are fools, clinging to their paltry conceptions of how the universe works. They blather on about their science while a god fights alongside them, the wielder of one of the most powerful magical artifacts in all of creation. It's only a testament to Thor's extraordinary nature that the power is still being contained within him and not obliterating them all into dust.

"You do not understand," Loki says. "You see Thor as your friend and your shield brother. You forget that though he walks among you, he is not one of you and he never will be. You cannot fathom what it truly means to be a god, to be such a force of nature and raw power."

"And that's why you want to help, isn't it? Get all that power for yourself," Rogers says.

"My reasons for being here are my own," Loki replies sharply. "I have no need to explain them to you." Truth be told, sometimes he doesn't think he's even capable to explaining his relationship with Thor to himself.

"Now I have wasted enough time humoring you," Loki says, turning back to face Thor, making it clear to the humans that the conversation is over.

"Hold on a second," Stark says. "We didn't agree to anything and we sure as hell don't trust you. Someone else can do this, you're not the only sorcerer on the block."

"No," Loki says, glaring at Stark from over his shoulder, "I think I am quite literally 'the only sorcerer on the block.'"

The Captain puts a firm hand on Loki's shoulder in an attempt to restrain him. "The government and SHIELD will be sending reinforcements soon."

"They are soldiers, not sorcerers," Loki says, violently shrugging off Rogers' grip. "I do not have time for this and neither does Thor; his hold is tenuous enough as it is. No, I will not wait any longer. It has to be now. It has to be me." 

Loki turns away again and crouches down next to Thor. He waves a hand in the air but it's more than just a dismissive gesture towards Thor's friends; the motion conjures a small, magical barrier of protection around both him and Thor.

Loki can hear the muffled sounds of the Avengers yelling at him, but he pays them no mind. All he can focus on now is Thor. Thor, who is filled with so much power and yet so powerless at the same time. Thor, who will die here if Loki doesn't do something.

 _Just walk away_ , a little voice inside him says, but he... can't. It feels like an inevitability and Loki is strangely relieved by the idea that the choice was taken from him.

 _After all, freedom is life's great lie_ , he thinks bitterly.

The barrier pulses as the Captain hits it hard with his shield. Loki knows that it will not hold for long, not with the amount of magic he'll need to expend to complete his task. But it doesn't need to last forever. It only needs to buy him enough time to cast the spell to enter Thor's mind.

The humans continue to shout and attack the barrier, but to no avail. If Loki is very lucky they'll tire themselves out and give up on using brute force, believing that the barrier is impenetrable. If he is unlucky, they will destroy the barrier and his body will be there, vulnerable and defenseless against them. And in the worst case scenario, his plan will fail and neither one of them will make it out of Thor's mind alive.

Loki has never been the lucky one; he has always had to fight and struggle, using his wits and cunning to make his own luck. Thor is the one for whom everything has always fallen into place, high praise and good fortunes falling down at his feet. Loki takes Thor's hand in his own and closes his eyes. As he begins to speak the incantation, he hopes that Thor has enough luck for the both of them.

The last thing he feels before he leaves his body is hard concrete as he crumples to the ground next to Thor.

***

  


Light.

This is what greets Loki when he awakens, hot and bright against the thin skin of his eyelids. He hisses and shields his eyes quickly against the onslaught. He squints, letting his vision slowly adjust enough for him to sit up and look around.

He's lying on the ground, right behind a bunch of thick bushes that are overflowing with red, wild berries. He looks up and sees a small clearing surrounded by tall oak trees. From the position of the sun, it appears to be a little after midday. Sunlight streams through the leaves, bathing the clearing in its warm glow.

As Loki continues to get his bearings, a sense of recognition hits him. He _knows_ this place. He and Thor spent countless hours playing here when they were children. During the summers especially, Frigga could hardly keep them in the palace at all. 

It's uncanny just how real and vivid it all feels: the sound of birds in the trees, the smell of the earth, the gentle breeze, and the heat of the sun on his face. It's all here, every detail beautifully rendered. Loki can even make out the initials "T + L" roughly carved into one of the oak trees. Truthfully, Loki doesn't know why he was surprised to find it so bright and beautiful here. Even with his mind on the brink of destruction, Thor's disgustingly sunny disposition is still intact.

But despite the beauty here, there's still a strange charge in the air. There's a feeling of creeping dread that Loki cannot quite shake and it makes his hair stand on end.

Loki tenses up when he hears voices nearby. Quietly, he gets up on his knees and peeks over the bushes to see two children laughing together as they run into the clearing. It is Loki and Thor, as they were so many years ago. Just the sight of them makes Loki's heart clench into a tight knot of emotions he can't even begin to unravel.

They are so young, no older than eight and ten. Both are dressed in the customary outfits they wore then: light blue shirts under tunics in their respective colors, leather belts, wrist cuffs, and boots. 

Loki's eyes are drawn to Thor, the boy's whole face lighting up as he laughs. 

"Go and hide, brother," Thor says, "It is my turn to be the seeker." It's both jarring and yet painfully familiar to hear such a high-pitched voice come from Thor. It's been over a millennia since Loki has heard it so, but he'll never truly forget its particular timbre. Not after untold nights of staying up late and telling each other stories by candlelight, the room silent except for their voices and bright laughter.

Thor smiles and Loki's doppelganger smiles back at him before running off. 

Hide and seek was a game that they played many times as children. It was always one of Loki's favorites because it was one of the few he could consistently best Thor at. Even back then, Thor was too loud and larger than life to stay hidden for long. Loki, on the other hand, has always been gifted at sneaking around and melting into the shadows. 

Thor covers his eyes with his hand as he starts counting down from thirty. His loud, boisterous voice echoes through the forest as he speaks each number. When Thor is finished, he opens his eyes again and looks around. He takes a step in the direction he saw Loki run toward, but then his eyes narrow and he pauses. 

"You think yourself so clever, but I will not be fooled again," Thor mutters to himself and Loki has to stifle a laugh. By this age, Thor had become accustomed to Loki's use of trickery and misdirection but - much to his frustration - had not come up with an effective strategy to counter them.

 _I suppose not much has changed on that front_ , Loki thinks.

Loki remembers an incident from when they were about this age, where he had become so skilled at throwing his voice that he'd tricked Thor into running into a pond, thinking he was right on Loki's heels. Loki allows himself an internal chuckle at the memory of Thor, soaked and indignant. 

Thor slowly walks around the clearing, stroking his chin as he considers which way to go. Loki doesn't find it adorable. Not at all.

Suddenly, Thor stops dead in his tracks and his whole face lights up.

"There you are!" he shouts. "You did a terrible job of hiding this time, brother."

It takes Loki a moment to realize that Thor is actually talking to _him_. 

Loki looks down at himself and sees that his hands are small and he's dressed in his childhood clothing, just as the imaginary Loki was mere minutes ago. It _is_ Thor's mind after all; it seems that he perceives Loki in a way that is familiar to him and fits in with these old memories. Though Loki finds the whole thing a bit unsettling, it does provide him with some useful information. It broadens his understanding of the internal logic of Thor's mind and the parameters he must work within. For now, it's best that he bide his time and play along with Thor's memories.

He is well aware of the fact that not only is he inside Thor's mind, but Thor is positively overflowing with power right now. Loki is at a terrible disadvantage and knows that he must tread carefully. Though these childhood memories induce feelings of comfort and familiarity, any sense of safety here is just an illusion.

Loki quickly racks his brain, trying to think up something his younger self would have said. "It always takes you so long to find me anyway. I thought to go easy on you this time, brother," Loki says with a smirk. His own childish voice sounds strange to his ears.

Thor laughs and shakes his head. "A convenient excuse, brother," he says, "but I know your game. You sought to throw me off by hiding near to me, tricking me into running off in search of you when truly you were here under my nose the whole time. You are clever, Loki, but this time I have foiled you!"

This time, Loki doesn't have to think about how to respond. He simply frowns and rolls his eyes. Loki has found that it's an appropriate reaction to Thor in almost any situation. It's like a reflex and Loki is grateful for it, as his mind has other things to focus on now. From what he can tell, they are not reliving a particular day, but an amalgamation of several memories of summers gone past. All of those times seemed to blur together anyway. The only real constant was Thor.

It's even more surreal to see this Thor up close. His cheeks are rosy and a smattering of freckles spread across the bridge of his nose. His hair is like spun gold and when he grins, Loki can see the slight gap between his two front teeth. 

"Well, since I have found you," Thor says with a grin, "it is my turn to hide now."

"No!" Loki blurts out, and Thor gives him a strange look. "I mean, let's play a different game." The last thing Loki needs right now is to risk being separated from Thor. There is still so much about this situation that Loki doesn't understand and he doesn't know how much time he has left. If he loses track of Thor now, who knows if he will be able to find him again before it's too late. 

"What shall we play then?" Thor says excitedly, his previous wariness now completely evaporated. 

Though trying to bring this childlike Thor to his senses requires it's own set of challenges, Loki thinks that perhaps it may actually be ideal. Who better to coax Thor back to reality than the little brother that he still trusts implicitly?

Loki tries to remember the games they played back then and which ones would feed most into Thor's ego. Which ones would make him happy and therefore more relaxed and easier to manipulate? When Loki considers it in these terms, the choice becomes obvious. 

"We should play as warriors," Loki says and Thor's whole face lights up. Loki feels pleased that things seem to be falling into place. His suggestion also offers him an opportunity to test Thor and better gauge his current state of mind. When they play fought at this age, they almost always used wooden swords, but Loki sees none near them now. 

"This is an excellent idea, brother," Thor says, "I will get our swords." Thor darts away and grabs the two wooden swords that are leaning up against an oak tree, swords that Loki is certain were not there a moment ago. As Loki suspected, Thor seems unaware of his power here and the ways he's able to manipulate their environment. Loki looks up and sees the edge of an ominous cloud in the distance like a harbinger of danger, but Thor doesn't seem to be aware of that either. It seems that Loki truly does have his work cut out for him. 

"Here," Thor says as he hands Loki his sword. Loki takes it and lets his gaze settle over both of their weapons. The level of detail is truly astonishing; Thor's sword is chipped and battered, as he always liked hitting trees with it to test his strength. Loki's is smooth and largely unmarred. He was always careful with his own sword, more focused on finesse and making sure each strike counted. 

They both take up their fighting stances and stare at each other. 

Thor grins. "Come on, brother. Fight me!" he says and it forces Loki to recall his own words on the Bifrost some years ago, the day when his whole world fell apart. But this childish Thor speaks with no malice, only with the simple joy of playing a game with his beloved little brother. It all seems like it was so long ago, the days when they used to fight each other for fun. These days it's a very serious thing indeed, no matter how many times Loki may laugh at Thor during their battles. That isn't to say that their childhood relationship was perfect by any means. They were brothers after all, and they still bickered often. But back then their little squabbles and hurt feelings were easily mended instead of broken beyond repair.

Thor strikes first and Loki parries easily. Though Loki feels he has retained his own knowledge and training (if not his strength), this child version of his brother fights just as Thor did back then. Loki is careful and conservative in his movements. He cannot alert Thor to the fact that everything is not as it seems, not yet. 

Thor lunges forward again, but Loki is too quick and darts away. Thor gives him a petulant frown, but Loki only laughs at him. Thor advances again and this time Loki meets him, a loud clack echoing through the forest as their swords lock. Their eyes meet in between the "X" formed by their weapons and Thor laughs before they break apart and begin their mock battle again. 

Loki gets lost in it for a moment, this playful, clumsy dance. It is simple and straightforward, with nothing of the intricate choreography that comprises their battles as adults. Thor's effervescence makes it easy to play along and Loki has to force himself to hold on to his wits. He feels the seductive little curls of Thor's magic on his skin, as if trying to convince him that this is real.

Loki's own magic feels off somehow and he's uncertain of the effect this place may be having on it. It disturbs him that he cannot even trust one of his greatest talents, but there is no help for it. He resolves to use his magic sparingly and only when necessary. He will have to make do with his words alone, but for Loki this is truly no hardship. 

The fight continues on, and Loki feels sweat dripping down his brow at the exertion. They go through a sequence of lunges and thrusts, kicking up the dirt under their feet as they move. Though Loki had intended to throw the fight, the longer it goes on, the more he wants to win. It seems he cannot let go of his compulsive desire to best Thor in any manner that he can. 

Thor has always had a bad habit of leaving his left side too open, and Loki sees an opportunity to exploit that weakness. Unfortunately, before he can make his move, Thor lunges forward and uses his sword to sweep Loki's feet out from under him. Loki falls to the ground with a hard thud, the force of it knocking the wind out of his lungs. Loki's sword slips from his hand and skitters across the forest floor. 

Thor looks down at Loki and laughs. Loki scowls up at him as his familiar resentment rises. At its core, Loki's mission here is really quite simple and straightforward: find Thor and smack some sense into him. But Thor has never possessed much in the way of sense and Loki should have known better than to think anything involving the two of them could ever be uncomplicated. Without even understanding what he is doing, Thor is forcing Loki to relive the same old indignities again, as if a thousand years of it was not enough. 

But then Thor stops laughing and reaches down a hand to pull Loki up.

"I have bested you this time," Thor says as he clasps Loki's shoulder warmly, "but you fought admirably." Loki resists the urge to roll his eyes. Thor speaks with that particular blend of arrogance and benevolence that has always grated on Loki.

Thor releases Loki's shoulder and Loki wipes the dirt from his pants, still not used to seeing himself with such small hands when he looks down. 

"It is only because you are still younger and smaller than I," Thor says. "But we will both grow strong and together we will be the greatest warriors Asgard has ever seen," Thor continues, his voice full of conviction.

 _You will, but I won't_ , Loki thinks spitefully, but he doesn't say it out loud. Instead he does as his child self would have done: he shrugs, smiles shyly and says "thank you, brother."

Thor has always been a fool, but perhaps Loki's child self was no better. Much as he would rather forget them, there were many times when he took Thor's words to heart, when he truly let himself believe that he would achieve Thor's level of greatness. He'd foolishly clung to those words when other children taunted him, for if Thor believed in him then nothing else mattered. That was before they got older and this simple idyll between them was broken. Before Loki had to compete with all of Asgard for Thor's time. 

"Come on, Loki," Thor says brightly, "let us play Dragon Hunters!" 

Loki can't help a chuckle, and it comes out sounding more like his adult self than his child self. Though they referred to the game as Dragon Hunters, it was a lot more like Rabbit Hunters - and they ended up scaring the poor creatures off far more than actually catching one. Many years would pass before they finally faced an actual dragon, and it was far less glamorous than they both had imagined. It had taken days to get the stench of sulphur from their hair and skin.

Loki opens his mouth but before he can utter a word, Thor grabs his hand and breaks into a run, dragging his brother along with him. Loki picks up his pace to keep up with Thor as they dash through the forest. It's a peculiar sensation, the feeling of Thor's hand in his again. When they were young they would often reach for each others' hand in moments of joy or fear. With his hand in Thor's comforting grip, Loki could almost believe that they really _were_ great warriors or dragon hunters. That together they could do anything.

They stopped indulging in the habit when they went through puberty. It was childish, a sign of weakness unworthy of the men they were supposed to become. The loss of it had bothered Loki then for reasons he didn't understand, not until their relationship turned sexual. Loki remembers the nights they fell asleep side by side, sated and exhausted. No matter how they would move and shuffle around in their sleep, Loki would almost always wake to find Thor's fingers tangled with his own. 

"I think I see one over there!" Thor whispers loudly, oblivious to the fact that his voice likely scared any creatures away. He crouches down to peer through a mass of trees and it's then that he finally lets go of Loki's hand. In spite of himself, Loki feels a strange sense of loss. 

It turns out that Thor's rabbit was actually a bush and so they continue on, traipsing along the well-worn paths. As they wander, a hard gust of wind blows, sending a chill up and down Loki's spine. He looks up and sees more dark, malevolent clouds in the distance, moving closer with every moment. Loki glances at Thor, but he's so engrossed in the game that he doesn't notice anything amiss. 

It seems that time is running out. Loki looks around, trying to come up with a way to move things along. As he takes in the scenery of the forest, an idea occurs to him and he seizes it. 

"Where are we, Thor?" Loki asks. "I thought this was where the lavender bushes grew. Are we... are we lost?" He looks at Thor, carefully schooling his features into an expression that he knows will bring out Thor's protective older brother instincts. His eyes are just a little too wide and his body is tense, as if he's trying to put on a brave front to hide his fear.

Thor's face pinches with concern and he runs over to put a hand on Loki's shoulder.

"Do not worry, brother. I swear to you that we are not lost. Although," he says with a small frown, "I too thought this was where the lavender bushes grew. This is very strange."

As soon as the words are out Thor's mouth, the landscape begins to change and little purple flowers start springing up all around them. 

"Thor," Loki says as he gestures to the forest floor. Thor looks down and they both watch as more and more flowers bloom and the air is filled with the sweet aroma of lavender. 

Loki looks up at Thor with wide eyes. "Brother, that was amazing! How did you do it? I must know."

"I don't... I don't know," Thor says, his voice hesitant and confused. A strange, subdued look crosses his face. He glances at Loki and for a moment there's a brief flash of something like recognition in his eyes, and then it's gone. 

"What were you saying before, Loki?" Thor asks, and it's as if the whole incident never happened at all. Like Thor's mind is shielding him, offering him final comforts before he dies and protecting him from the horrible truth. 

"It's... I was just-" Loki starts, but Thor is reaching for his hand and dragging him off again. Loki sighs internally. It seems that he will just have to keep looking for another opportunity.

They run through the forest hand in hand until they return to the clearing from before and collapse down underneath the oak tree with their initials carved on it. They lay on their backs side by side in silence, except for the sounds of the forest and their own heavy breathing. When Loki looks up, he can still see the sunlight through the trees, but it's much dimmer now. He turns his head to look further out and notices that the clouds are continuing to move in. As Loki stares at them, he feels that same sense of wrongness that twists his stomach in knots.

When a gust of wind causes a few leaves to fall from the tree, Loki figures that now is as good a time as any to give his magic a try. He raises a hand in the air and rolls it around in circles, causing the falling leaves to twist and swirl. It's a very simple spell, one that he was already quite skilled with at this age. His magic still feels strange and muted, but it functions reliably enough for something this basic. 

Loki can see Thor from the corner of his eye, his eyes wide and delighted as he watches the leaves. But his joyful expression inspires nothing in Loki except the same age old bitterness. Thor never understood anything about Loki's magic. He never recognized its true power beyond little trifles like this, parlor tricks to make people laugh while the real men sparred out in the training yards. 

"You'll be able to do all _kinds_ of things with your magic someday," Thor says excitedly. "We will be side by side, fighting monsters and defending the realms. Maybe one day Father will even allow us to travel to Jotunheim and slay the Frost Giants," Thor says, and when Loki sees the triumphant fist Thor raises in the air, he feels like he's been punched in the stomach.

As much as Thor's words about the Frost Giants sting, it's the other things he said that really give Loki pause. What Loki remembers most is being teased and looked down on for his magic. Were there truly moments where Thor encouraged and valued it, or is this just a manifestation of Thor's subconscious guilt over the path Loki has taken? Or perhaps it is Loki who remembers things wrong, who has forgotten conversations like this because they were so few and far between. Because the slights always seemed to matter more. 

So who is right and who is wrong? Whose memories are more faulty and unreliable? Loki wonders if it truly even matters in the end. Perhaps they are no better than humans and the mythology they tell themselves about the gods; the same stories are told but they are slightly different each time until the truth itself is lost and people ascribe meaning as they see fit. 

Thor chatters idly about what desserts he hopes they'll have tonight and what games they should play tomorrow. Loki interjects at appropriate times, but his true focus is on the ever darkening sky. The wind blows harder and the clouds move in until they block out everything. The bright summer sun is now nothing but a distant memory. Loki glances over at Thor and sees his body go tense. It seems that Thor's mind can no longer guard him from the fact that something is wrong. 

They both sit up and look at the sky.

"What is that?" Loki asks quietly.

Thor frowns. "I don't know. But it's... it's not right. It's not supposed to be this way." The color drains from Thor's face and his distress is palpable as he watches the storm closing in. His expression looks pained and though he tries to keep his body still, Loki can see him trembling with minute little shivers. The dark sky is like a monstrous beast that Thor's mind has managed to keep at bay until now. Thor is weakening and starting to crack under the strain. 

Thor shakes his head. "This isn't... I don't like this. I don't want to be here anymore."

"You must face this, Thor. You can't run away forever," Loki says.

"I'm not running from anything," Thor says angrily as he gets to his feet. "The Son of Odin never runs from danger!"

The sky opens up and the rain starts coming down in torrents, drenching them both. Loki wipes the water from his eyes and then stands up to face Thor. 

"This isn't real, Thor," Loki says, his tone gentle yet insistent. "Do you understand what's going on? I'm trying to help you."

"I..." Thor says, confusion flickering across his face before his expression grows defiant again. "No. No, you're not." Thor puts more distance between them and glares at Loki with open hostility.

Loki sighs. "Thor, you need to-"

"No!" Thor shouts, the force of his words making the storm rattle and shake. "Who are you? You shouldn't be here. You're... you're _wrong_. You're not my brother."

And it shouldn't sting, but it does. Because even after all they've been through and all the times Loki has disowned Thor, never before has Thor disowned _him_. Loki knows that Thor is not in his right mind and really there's no time to dwell on such foolishness now. If Loki doesn't get Thor to snap out of this, it's very likely that they will both die. 

"Brother," Loki says, pushing his wet hair back from his face as he inches forward, "I know that you're scared, but-"

"I'm not scared!" Thor insists, but it seems that the more upset he gets, the more the storm builds in intensity. The sky has gone black, and the force of the wind threatens to rip their oak tree from the ground. This pristine memory is being ravaged and torn apart by the storm and there is Thor, lost and confused in the center of this swirling maelstrom. 

Thor clenches his fists and shuts his eyes. Loki is helpless to do anything but watch, struggling to stand his ground in the face of wind and rain. 

"I'm not scared of anything! Go away!" Thor shouts.

"Thor, don't-" Loki says, but the sky crackles with a bright flash of lightning and then everything goes dark.


	2. The Lovers

"Loki?" Thor grumbles, his voice thick with sleep. "Where did you go? Come back to bed."

Loki blinks until his vision clears. The ruined forest is gone and now he stands in the doorway of Thor's chambers back at the palace. Weak morning light streams through the windows, casting a warm glow on the strands of Thor's messy hair.

Loki takes a deep breath, letting awareness settle over his body. His arms feel heavy and he looks down to see that he's holding a tray full of breakfast foods. There are several kinds of fruit and a selection of the little apple pastries that Thor always liked, still piping hot and steaming. Loki himself is of a thinner build than he usually is, a young man barely out of adolescence. He is dressed simply in a loose white tunic and light green sleep pants.

Loki feels immobilized as he struggles to adapt to this new situation. His body is stiff and tense, and for the moment he only seems to be capable of standing there like a cornered doe as he stares at the golden expanse of Thor's back.

Thor stretches and rolls over. "Ah, you brought breakfast," he says, looking up at Loki with a lazy grin. Though Thor looks sleepy, his face is smooth and unworried. The lower half of his body is covered by the blankets, but his chest is completely exposed. Thor too appears to be a young man; his muscles are slightly leaner than they became in later years, but no less defined. Loki remembers this body well. He spent countless hours bringing it pleasure until he almost knew it better than he did his own. 

Loki balances the tray in one hand and pushes the door shut behind him with the other. He crosses the room and then sits on the bed, setting the tray down on Thor's bedside table. 

Thor smiles and lets out a happy sigh. "This is wonderful," he says. "Thank you, brother."

Loki manages to nod at him. Now that's he's up close, he notices the slight edge of nervousness in Thor's expression.

"For a moment, I thought you might leave and go back to your own rooms. That you thought last night was a mistake," Thor says softly, as if he thinks that Loki still might. It's only then that Loki really understands what this memory is: the morning after he and Thor first had sex.

"No, I..." Loki starts, but he realizes that he has no idea how to finish that sentence. It seems to be enough for Thor, whose whole body goes slack with relief. 

Thor picks up a pastry and shoves the whole thing into his mouth. Loki watches him eat with equal parts disgust and desire. Like everything else, Thor attacks the food with enthusiasm and it's hard not to be drawn in by that quality. Loki recalls the exquisite sensation of having all of that passion focused on making him come.

"Are you not hungry, brother?" Thor asks, picking up a bunch of grapes and offering it to Loki. 

Loki declines, still feeling himself at a loss for how to proceed. 

Suddenly Thor laughs and grabs Loki by the hips, pulling Loki fully on top of him. Though there are blankets between them, lust floods Loki at the feel of Thor's body pressed flush against his. He revels in the solid warmth of Thor's muscles and the pressure of his half-hard cock against Loki's thigh. 

Thor looks up at him, still laughing. His eyes twinkle with mirth and Loki realizes he had forgotten just how blue they are. 

"If you will not eat, then at least feed me, brother. After all, it was you who tired me out."

"After you just ate that entire pastry? You're such a pig, Thor," Loki says, but he plucks a grape from the tray and feeds it to Thor anyway. Loki's mind feels strange, as if he's losing his sense of reality. However, his recollection of this day in particular is crystal clear; the way they laughed as they fed each other and how it quickly devolved into a food fight of sorts. This in turn led to them licking the sugar and fruit from each others' bodies as they fucked all day, giddy with their secret. 

Loki isn't sure if this is a memory he can simply play along with. Playing Dragon Hunters and running around the forest was relatively simple in comparison to this. It was hard enough to hold on to his wits while experiencing those childhood memories again, but this is even worse.

Because this was the happiest time in Loki's life.

That he should be forced to relive it again, all the while knowing that it isn't real and will be cruelly snatched away from again cuts him to the core. It twists him up inside and leaves him feeling broken and raw. 

Loki sits up and turns his back to Thor, letting his legs dangle over the side of the bed. He is not panicking, not exactly. He just needs time to regroup, to pull his thoughts together enough to choose a proper course of action. He glances out the window briefly and feels a burst of anxiety because the clouds are already beginning to move in. 

"What's wrong?" Thor asks, the concern clear in his voice as he wraps his arms around Loki from behind and rests his chin on Loki's shoulder.

"It's nothing."

"Loki," Thor says, "do not lie to me. Something is wrong."

Loki shakes his head. "No, everything is fine. I just need a moment, I will be back shortly," he says and then he stands up and walks into his sitting room. 

Loki does a double take when he enters the room because it's different somehow. First of all, now it is night time outside when Loki knows for a fact that it was morning just a few moments ago. He starts to inspect things further, but Thor barges into the room.

He is still young and fresh-faced but seems slightly older than he did in the bedroom. From his muddy clothing and the heavy pack on his back, it's clear that Thor must be returning from a journey of some kind. Loki sighs. It seems that he has stumbled into another memory entirely.

"Loki," Thor says, grinning broadly as he stomps further into the room. Loki watches in revulsion as Thor streaks dirt and mud all over his fine rugs. Thor always used to do this and it made Loki want to throttle him. Thor would shrug it off and say that Loki could simply use his magic to clean it, which - although true - was not the point. Loki's annoyance is so viscerally familiar that he finds the words tumbling out of his mouth automatically. 

"Couldn't you bathe first, you ass?"

"No," Thor says, voice laced with laughter, "I had to see you." He leans forward and gives Loki a quick peck on the lips.

Thor puts his pack down on the floor and starts digging through it. "I know you are still upset with me, but I hope you will forgive me once you see the fine gifts I have brought for you."

Thor hands Loki a box filled with a set of beautifully crafted knives. The handles are dark green, embellished with little bits of gold. Loki remembers these knives fondly, as he would come to treasure them for many years. He wonders idly if they are still tucked away in his old rooms in Asgard. 

"And dragon scales, for your spells," Thor continues, handing Loki a small bag of these as well. 

Loki is finally able to place this memory now. He had planned to go on a hunt with Thor, just the two of them. But Thor had made the mistake of mentioning the trip to Fandral and Volstagg. As they frequently went on adventures with the princes, they assumed they would be coming along on this hunt too. After all, who could resist the allure of hunting a dragon? Loki had no qualms about telling those two idiots where to shove it, but Thor didn't have the heart to tell them no. Loki had chosen to stay home out of spite, but it was less than satisfying, as he spent the whole two weeks vacillating between being angry at Thor and worrying about his safety. But in Thor's defense, he _had_ done a rather good job of making it up to Loki upon his return.

Loki sets the items down on a chair and Thor stares at him expectantly, awaiting Loki's judgement.

"I... thank you," Loki says. "They are quite lovely."

Thor breathes a sigh of relief and his smile returns. "Come now, brother," Thor says, waggling his eyebrows at Loki in a way that should not be attractive, but somehow is, "I have more gifts for you in your bedroom." Without another word, he picks Loki up and throws him over his shoulder, carrying him towards the bedroom. 

"Damn you, Thor!" Loki protests as he kicks out wildly, but they are already passing over the room's threshold.

Everything shifts suddenly and Loki's head throbs as he struggles to get his bearings. The doorway did not lead them back into his bedroom at all; instead they are standing side by side, right outside the great hall. The corridor is bathed in the warm radiance of torchlight. He can hear the voices of the crowd gathered from within the hall itself.

A crowd awaiting the crowning of their new king.

Loki sighs. _Not this again_ , he thinks, but it seems there is no help for it. He turns to Thor, hoping to get this over with as quickly as possible so that he can come up with a better strategy for convincing Thor that this isn't real. 

"Nervous, brother?" Loki asks and he expects for Thor to react the same as he did then. He braces himself for the teasing banter and for Thor to laugh and decline when Loki suggests that they kiss, because they don't do that anymore.

Thor shatters Loki's expectations when he offers him a fond smile and says, "No, not at all. There is no reason for such a thing, not with you by my side." Thor reaches out for Loki's hand, lacing their fingers together. A flash of silver catches Loki's eye when he looks down at where their hands are joined. 

Loki raises his left hand and inspects the ring glittering on his finger. The quality of the ring is so fine that it could only have been made by the Sons of Ivaldi, the same hands that fashioned Gungnir itself. It is silver and the thick band is studded with small emeralds and diamonds. There is no gem in the center; in its place is a delicately crafted, stylized representation of Mjolnir. Its intricate lines remind Loki of the symbols the mortals used to represent the hammer when they worshipped Thor as a god. 

Thor shakes his head and lets out a soft huff of laughter. "We've been married for years, and yet you are still so fixated on our rings. You act as though I would take mine off or that we will wake up and find that this is all but a dream." 

_Oh Thor_ , Loki thinks as he swallows hard around the lump in his throat.

Loki grabs Thor's left hand and brings it to eye level so that he can examine his ring too. Though it also has a thick band, the ring is quite different from Loki's. A glittering diamond rests in the center, but there are no gems on either side of the ring. Instead there are elegant lines etched into the gold. It takes a moment for it to really register, but Loki realizes that these lines form a particular shape, that of his own horned helmet.

Everything he has seen in Thor's mind so far has stuck very close to actual memories, but Loki has stumbled into something new here. If the childlike part of Thor's mind revealed what was, perhaps this part of Thor speaks to what might have been.

It's a ridiculous fantasy at best; Asgard never would have allowed Thor to marry Loki. They had mutually agreed back then that ending their affair was the only logical course of action. The conversation had been brief and terse. Thor had seemed uncharacteristically distant and Loki had left the moment it was over, needing to find a place of solitude where he could lick his wounds. Thor had called Loki's name as he left, but Loki hadn't looked back.

In the months that followed, Loki would catch Thor looking at him sometimes with such longing on his face, an unspoken question on the tip of his tongue. But Thor never asked and so Loki never answered. There were brief moments where Loki wondered what would happen if _he_ were the one to ask, but Loki was far too pragmatic to even try such a thing. He and Thor could never be, and there was no sense in reopening old wounds. 

But being here now, Loki wonders if they should have given up so easily. If Thor wanted this, then why didn't he fight harder?

 _Why didn't_ you? a little voice says, but Loki quickly dismisses it.

Loki wonders if he still would have sabotaged Thor's coronation under these circumstances. Would Thor have been more prepared to be king if he and Loki were wed, or would they have only brought out the worst in each other? He isn't sure if marrying Loki would be an example of good judgement or poor judgement on Thor's part. Perhaps a bit of both. 

A page walks by and hands Thor his silver, winged helmet. 

"Thank you," Thor says.

The man smiles and nods. "Your Majesties."

"Not quite yet," Thor says, laughing and giving the man a friendly pat on the shoulder before he takes his leave of them. Thor stares down at the shining helmet for a long moment before he finally slips it onto his head. Thor seems more self-possessed and comfortable now than he did at his actual coronation. He doesn't look like a spoiled prince playing dress up. He looks like a king. 

Animosity stirs up in Loki's chest as he stares at the dignified line of Thor's profile. Even in this fantasy, Loki is still the lesser one. He will be consort, but it is still Thor who will be king.

"You really aren't nervous, are you?" Loki says, unable to keep the edge out of his voice. "Are you truly so certain that Asgard will flourish under your rule?"

Thor looks puzzled. "What are you speaking of?" he asks. "You know that we are to be co-regents."

"I... oh."

"You know very well how we balance each other, Loki," Thor smiles. "With my strength and your cleverness, our reign shall be long and prosperous." 

"And you're sure that this is what you want?" Loki manages to ask even though his chest is tight with emotion and he feels like he can barely breathe.

Thor looks at Loki as if he's gone mad. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I have never been happier."

Loki swallows hard. "Neither have I," he says softly, but he can't look at Thor when he says it. Otherwise, he fears he'll forget himself entirely and succumb to this beautiful delusion. The muffled sound of the crowd awaiting them, the glint of wedding rings on their fingers, the way Thor is so radiant in his happiness... it's wonderful and horrible and it hurts unlike anything else.

Loki knows it to be a sham, but it just feels so _real._ It is trickery finer than anything Loki has ever crafted. It seems that Thor always bests him at everything, even when he's not trying to. 

Lightning flashes and then thunder rolls, so hard that it shakes the foundations of the citadel. If Loki needed a reminder that this is but a fiction, then he has one.

Thor frowns slightly at the noise, but his expression quickly smooths over. "Come now," he says, taking Loki's hand in his, "Asgard awaits us."

They enter the great hall, but they never make it to the coronation. Loki's head spins violently and his stomach flips as he struggles to catch his breath. He opens his eyes to find himself in the main kitchens during the daytime.

"You're far too old to be stealing treats," Ragna chastises Thor. She is a short, red-haired woman and Loki remembers her well as the head baker among the kitchen staff. A large portion of their childhood was spent trying to sneak in and steal treats from the kitchens, and though she would always give them a hard time, she never seemed to truly mind their shenanigans. 

Thor laughs as he grabs a little chocolate cake from the massive tray of desserts sitting on the counter. "I merely wanted a sample before the feast tonight," Thor says. "As King, it is my sworn duty to make sure they are safe for our guests to consume."

Thor plucks another pastry from the tray, while Ragna swats at his hand.

"Here," Thor says as he hands the treat to Loki. "You must do your kingly duty as well, Loki."

Loki looks down at the confection and sees that it's one of his favorites: a flaky cream puff, filled with lemon custard. Loki closes his eyes and takes a bite, unable to keep his lips from curving up at the corners as the flavor explodes over his taste buds. He hasn't had one of these in years, not since Frigga sneaked him one during his imprisonment for his actions with the Chitauri. 

Violent winds rattle the windows and rain pounds hard against the glass. From the corner of his eye, Loki can see that the clouds outside have grown denser and darker, but it's just so hard to focus on any of that. Instead, his eyes are drawn to the simple joy on Thor's face as he polishes off his cake. His eyes are filled with mirth and he winks at Loki as if they are still just mischievous children who have gotten away with something very clever. When Thor looks at him like, Loki finds it very hard to remember to hate him.

Ragna crosses her arms and glares at Thor. "Satisfied now?"

"Yes," Thor grins, "very much so."

"Good. Now out with you!"

"Come now, Loki," Thor says, "we should return to our chambers to dress." He walks out of the room in long strides and Loki sighs in frustration as he chases after him.

The world spins yet again and Loki finds himself standing in the center of a strange bedroom that also feels oddly familiar.

Though Loki is certain he has never visited this room before, he can see touches of both himself and Thor in it. There are stacks of Loki's spell books and jars with his potion ingredients. There's a stand for Mjolnir and some of Thor's other weapons are scattered about. The decor is all dark, luxurious wood and subtle hints of red and deep green. 

The whole space is rather warm and inviting. Or it would be if large chunks of the eastern wall weren't missing, clearly torn apart by the force of the storm outside. Loki's stomach drops as he peeks through the missing wall because there doesn't appear to be anything left outside _except_ for the storm. All of Asgard is gone and the storm is following Thor around, chasing him through the corridors of his mind. It will inevitably reach a point where it can be cordoned off no longer and then there will be nowhere left to run.

Thor doesn't seem to register it at all. He is across the room, his back to Loki as he stands in front of a large wardrobe. He has a bag in his hand and appears to be packing for some reason, perhaps headed off for a state visit somewhere. 

"Where's my cloak?" Thor mutters under his breath.

"On the floor, in the sitting room," Loki replies reflexively because Thor has always had the bad habit of doing this, even when they were children and shared the same set of rooms. It's eternally frustrating how Thor can manage to leave it the same damned place every time, but then forget about it later. 

"Ah, thank you. I would be lost without you," Thor says, flashing Loki a smile as he strides over to the door on one of the intact walls.

"Damn it," Loki mutters to himself as he follows Thor through the doorway, wondering where they'll end up this time. Every room is like a snapshot of a life lived together. There is a part of Loki that wishes he could simply succumb to the fantasy and be as oblivious to the storm as Thor is.

Loki feels the pounding headache behind his eyes grow as he enters a new room. This time it is what remains of Odin's office, where he conducted much of his kingly business. The remaining walls shake as the storm continues to rage, having ravaged nearly everything now. The surviving infrastructure keeps them shielded from the brunt of it, but Loki can tell it will not hold for long. 

"My love," Thor says, looking up from his desk and smiling up at Loki, still not realizing that the room is nearly gone. "You are just the person I wanted to see. I have been looking over these trade agreements from Svartalfheim but I could use your eye on them."

Their marriage, their kingship, their lives... the illusion is falling apart and degrading before his very eyes and Loki snaps.

"How can you ask me something so asinine at a time like this?" Loki demands. "Look at what is happening around you!"

Thor sighs in fond exasperation. "If you do not wish to go over the trade agreements now, Loki, you need only say so."

Loki takes a step forward, blinking back spots as a burst of lightning flashes. "Listen to me, Thor: I'm not who you think I am," Loki says.

Thor frowns. "You're Loki. Who else would you be?"

Thunder shakes the foundations of the room and another piece of wall crumbles and is sucked out by the wind. 

"Look, Thor," Loki says, "truly look. This life was just an illusion created by your mind. You can't run away forever. You must stop this storm before it destroys everything."

Thor stands up and starts to protest, but the words die on his lips as his whole body goes still and his eyes widen in horror.

"Yes," Loki says, because Thor finally _sees_ now. Loki's mind races a mile a minute trying to put together the clever words to quickly explain their predicament to Thor, to get Thor to contain the storm and help them escape.

But the words do not come, not quickly enough. Instead the room crumbles and all Loki can do is watch as the walls and ceilings come crashing down and slam against his body with a sickening crack.


	3. The Devil

When Loki wakes again, he's lying face down and the ground is cold and wet underneath him. His head throbs and he fights dizziness as he struggles to make sense of where he is now. Through his haze, he can hear the sound of people yelling but it all seems so far away. Loki takes a few deep breaths and the dizziness begins to fade. He clenches his hands and feels the cool crunch of snow on his fingers.

Loki pushes himself up onto his knees and opens his eyes. It takes a moment for his vision to clear, but when it does he can see his own breath in the frigid air as he exhales. He looks down at his clothing, noticing the way these particular shades of green and gold stand out against the bleak snow. It doesn't matter that he hasn't worn this princely armor in years; it will always feel familiar.

"Oh for Norns' sake," Loki mutters under his breath because he knows where they are now.

Loki looks up at last and is greeted by the barren, frozen wastes of Jotunheim. The ice stretches on without end and the sky is awash with dark, impenetrable blue. Tall spires tower in the distance, the crumbling ruins of a once great civilization.

He stumbles to his feet, all the while cursing Thor and his foolish mind for bringing them here. Though Loki was born on Jotunheim, he has very few memories of this place and none of them are fond. Loki sighs and wipes some of the snow from his pants. He has no time to mull over the past now, not when one of those very memories is playing out before him. 

Though they are still a few hundred feet away, Loki can make out the figures of himself, Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three. Though the Frost Giants have them outnumbered, they fight valiantly to hold them off. Whatever happens, Loki knows that he must get to Thor, must try once again to convince him that this is all an illusion. He runs toward the battle, his feet crunching against the snow as he moves. 

It's so strange to see the events play out again as they did that fateful day. This was really not so long ago, and yet they all seem so terribly young. They were so foolish then, charging into an unknown place as if they were invincible just because Thor asked them to. They had no inkling of how much things would soon change. Not even Loki with all of his cunning could have prepared for that. 

Though the battle is much the same, there are parts of it that seem off. It's a stark reminder to Loki he's living through _Thor_ ' _s_ memory of this day, not his own. Though the particular colors of the sky and snow ring true, certain things have been left out, things that Thor missed because he was focused on himself and fueling his own bloodlust. Loki will never forget that horrible moment when one of the Jotuns touched him and his skin turned blue. For him, it was an earth-shattering moment. For Thor, it didn't even register at all. 

The fight goes on as Loki runs, but then things start to deviate from the memory drastically. The shades of Sif, the Warriors Three, and the other Loki flicker out of existence until it is only Thor. He stands alone, laughing as he fights a slew of giants. After bashing another one with Mjolnir, Thor raises the hammer to the sky and starts to call forth a storm.

"No," Loki breathes out. In all of his past encounters with Thor since he entered his mind, the storm has come every time Thor is in danger of losing himself once and for all. Lightning crackles across the sky, followed by the loud roll of thunder. And there is Thor right in the thick of it, looking as if he's drunk on his own power.

Sleet starts to fall and Loki shivers violently as it soaks his clothing through. Loki puts his physical discomforts out of his mind as he dodges through a throng of Jotuns in a desperate bid to reach Thor.

"Thor!" Loki yells as he grabs Thor's shoulder. "What are you doing? You must stop this at once!"

Thor shrugs off Loki's hand and then turns around to look at him. Though the storm continues to rage, for a moment everything else seems to stop. The battle has ceased and the Jotuns stand there frozen solid. 

"Loki?" Thor says, his brow furrowed with confusion.

"Yes, it's me, Thor," Loki says, and he feels cautiously optimistic that perhaps he really _has_ reached Thor this time.

When Thor speaks again, all of Loki's hopes are dashed.

" _Loki_ ," he says coldly, his expression gone dark. As he stomps over to Loki, his whole body seems tight with barely restrained rage. "This is _your_ fault. You brought me here after you ruined my coronation. Foul, vicious, _jealous_ creature that you are."

Loki cannot help but feel taken aback. Thor has said harsh words to him before, but not like this, not with such a vindictive edge. Loki feels a brief flash of something like hurt, but it quickly transmutes into a rage to rival Thor's own, terrifying in its intensity. His rational mind warns him to tread carefully, but Thor has always had a way of inspiring strong emotions in him. And besides, Loki has never taken kindly to being lectured and insulted.

"And what did you expect, Thor?" Loki calls out. "How could one _not_ be envious of the golden son who had everything handed to him, including a whole kingdom. If you think you were ready to rule then you're an even bigger liar than I am."

Thor growls, his wet hair flying in the wind as he charges at Loki. Loki quickly darts out of the way, ducking and taking cover behind one of the unmoving Jotuns. With a mighty yell, Thor smashes the giant to bits, forcing Loki to come out of his hiding place.

"Oh, you'll have to do better than that," Loki challenges, and though he laughs cruelly at Thor, he feels strange somehow. In the back of his mind, he knows that something is wrong. It's like the anger has consumed him too easily, almost as if it's being amplified by an external force. But Loki hasn't the will to consider it further, not when his most worthy adversary is glaring daggers at him. 

"But yes," Loki says with a vicious smirk, "I ruined your coronation, and do you know what? I would do it again in a heartbeat. Just look at yourself now, Thor. Ready to destroy this place for you own selfish, arrogant glory."

"If I am selfish then I am in good company," Thor shouts back, his eyes briefly crackling with lightning. "What of all the crimes you have committed, Loki. Do not _dare_ tell me that altruism was your motive."

"Oh, I would never claim to be altruistic, Thor. That is _your_ game. Wandering around on Midgard with your pet mortals so that you can play the hero. You think yourself so _perfect_ ," Loki says with a withering glare.

Thor glares right back at him, his face flushed red from both the cold and his own fury. "No, it is _you_ who thinks me perfect. The older brother that you held up to such impossible standards. But no more. I have grown tired of it."

Loki lets out a mocking laugh. "So, what? Now you think I should thank you for allowing me to live in your shadow?"

Thor looks ready to strike at Loki again, but he stays his hand for the moment. "Loki _Liesmith_ ," Thor says, his voice a rough growl that nearly gets carried away with the raging wind. "A pretty lie here and there and then off you would go, doing whatever you chose whenever you wanted. You did not have to face the weight of everyone's expectations, not as I did."

"I was second son," Loki spits out, "and Asgard had no use for me. I will not feel sorry for you, Thor. Far better to be noticed than to not be noticed at all."

Thor shakes his head. "Do not play the victim, Loki. It suits you ill. Mother and Father always praised you for your intelligence, for your magic and cunning."

"Yes, they praised me for my _weaknesses_ out of misguided pity."

Thor laughs. "And what weaknesses have you Loki, when your heart is as icy as this land? But I realize now that you have only ever held me back. I should have given up on you long ago."

"What... what is _wrong_ with you?" Loki asks, feeling the cloud of his anger momentarily clear at the shock of hearing these words from Thor. 

"Nothing," Thor says, and when he smiles his eyes are filled with a glint of berserker rage. "I simply see no reason why _you_ should be the only one who does as he pleases."

"And what do you want then, Thor?" Loki demands.

Thor looks out on the frozen landscape of Jotunheim. "I want to destroy this wasteland. I want the glory of battle," Thor says, and lightning crackles across the sky. "And I will let no one stand in my way." 

Before Loki can even respond, Thor's eyes spark with lightning and he throws Mjolnir, hitting Loki square in the chest and sending him flying several feet through the air. He falls to the ground hard, hissing in pain as his body rolls across the ice before finally coming to a stop. He looks out and sees that the Frost Giants have been given life again and that Thor is fighting all of them. There's always been something oddly beautiful about the way Thor fights, brutal but with its own brand of grace. Loki remembers days long past when he would sit transfixed as he watched Thor in the training yards. But this is not the time to enjoy the fight, not when it's killing Thor. 

Now that there is some distance between them, Loki feels his head clearing and the red haze of his anger starts to fade. He manages to sit up, but not without letting out a pained groan. Everything hurts, but the pain gives him something to focus on, makes his mind sharp and clear again. 

He can finally _think_ , and it's then that Loki can grasp the peculiar nature of this corner of Thor's mind. His own fury was so intense so quickly because it was wrapped up in Thor's, their baser instincts feeding off of each other in some kind of twisted symbiosis.

Because even the brightest soul has an edge of darkness within it, and Thor is no exception.

This is the part of Thor that never learned to be humble, who is still the arrogant, childish prince who only cares for his own glory. It is all of the things Thor would never normally do or say, the thoughts that only come to him in fleeting moments in the dark of night. It is not rational; it is hurt and pain and rage. 

But most of all, is it the part of Thor that is as bitter and brittle as Loki is. For years, Loki has sought to bring out Thor's destructive side at every turn. However, he finds that now that he has it, it's a hollow victory at best. Loki doesn't know what to do, but he must figure it out quickly if they are to survive this. If Thor succumbs to this darkness and burns himself out, then this has all been for nothing. 

_Maybe it was all for nothing in the first place_ , Loki thinks. Maybe this is how it ends, in a torrent of rage that escalates until they kill each other once and for all. 

With a pained moan, Loki picks himself up off the ground. Between the dark clouds in the sky and the sleet and snow that continue to fall, Loki can barely see a thing. Lightning strikes and Loki can make out Thor's outline as he smashes another Jotun. 

"Damn," Loki mutters under his breath. He is cold and exhausted, and his chest is still throbbing from Thor's blow. But still, he would rather feel this miserable pain than to not exist at all.

Their interactions here have been a battle of words to see who can hurt the other most. Even at his worst, Thor could never hope to win at such a game, but he doesn't have to; he has Mjolnir, the great equalizing factor. Loki tries not to despair at his predicament. He must find a way to get Thor to master this side of himself, but he knows he can never best Thor in purely physical combat.

But in truth, this is beyond a mere physical battle; he is fighting for Thor's very soul here (and also maybe - just maybe - his own). 

Loki and Thor have always been two sides of the same coin. Even when they were not enemies, they were still opposites: the warrior and the mage, the noble prince and the liar, the hero and the villain.

But in the end, it's not just about light and dark. It's about balance.

Loki can still feel the sting in his chest from where Thor hit him. He has seen what happened when he met Thor's anger with more of his own. That strategy has not worked here, will _never_ work here. 

As much as he hates it, Loki knows what he has to do. As always, he must meet Thor with an opposing force. Loki must find some way to tap into what broken tatters of light he has within him.

He must face the aspects of himself that he disavows and wishes he could finally be rid of. The part of him that feels empty and insubstantial without the weight of all the things he's lost. The fond memories of a childhood spent by Thor's side and even fonder memories of their fledgling love affair. The secret part of him that wanted to stay in Thor's fantasy life just as much as Thor did. And the reason that no matter how many times he has Thor at his mercy, he cannot make the killing blow. 

Loki starts walking, traveling across the icy tundra and toward Thor once again. His pace is slower than he would like, but his steps are firm and resolute. Damn the storm and damn this whole forsaken place. The world may be falling apart, but Loki has always felt at home in the midst of chaos. As Loki gets closer, he can hear Thor's laughter and the crunch of ice when he hits another Jotun with his hammer. Loki shoves down the fear that he is too late, that Thor's bloodlust has spiraled too far out of control without his inherent sense of honor there to curb it.

When Thor notices Loki's approach, he stops and turns to face him. The Frost Giants go still again, but Thor doesn't really seem to realize that he's done it. He simply stands there and watches until Loki is finally right before him. 

Thor laughs. "Come back for more, have you? Very well then, Loki. Fight me!" Thor yells, but he doesn't say it the way he did in their childhood memory. He says it the way Loki did on the Bifrost that day and Loki doesn't think he's heard anything more wrong in all his life.

"No."

Thor raises his eyebrows incredulously. "No?" 

" _No_ ," Loki says again. 

"I thought you wanted me dead, Loki. And yet now you are too weak and cowardly to even fight me," Thor says, shaking his head as he chuckles. 

Loki cannot deny that he's tried to kill Thor before, but his true desires are more complex than that. He wants to hurt Thor, to defeat him and prove himself as Thor's equal. He wants to have Thor at his mercy, for him to belong to Loki alone and place no other friend or foe above him. He wants Thor's hands and mouth and body wringing pleasure from Loki's every nerve ending.

But Loki doesn't want this dark shade of Thor standing before him and he doesn't want Thor dead. 

"Nevermind me. What would your friends say if they saw you like this, Thor? What would _Mother_ say? They would all be ashamed to see how far you've fallen."

Thor growls and hurls Mjolnir again, but Loki is ready for it this time and manages to dodge out of the way. 

"Your anger makes you sloppy," Loki calls out as Mjolnir flies back into Thor's hand. "You're better than this dull creature you have allowed yourself to become."

It seems that Thor has grown tired of talking, as he snarls and comes after Loki. Loki stays on the defensive, using his speed and agility to protect himself from Thor's wrath. But with every passing minute, Loki feels himself tiring and he knows he cannot simply evade Thor's attacks forever. 

He decides to give him magic a try, calling on his power to conjure a simple staff. He feels a rush of relief when it actually works, and it's just in time to shield him from Thor's onslaught. Loki blocks two blows, each one making his bones rattle with the force. Loki tries to trip Thor with his staff, but Thor only laughs as he jumps out of the way.

Loki manages to side step a few more blows, but Thor is relentless. Thor moves in close again and brings his hammer down. Loki raises his staff, but the hammer shatters it and its dull, gold pieces scatter into the snow. The force sends Loki sprawling backwards but he's grateful for it because it puts some distance between the two of them. Loki winces as he struggles to his feet.

"Stand down, Thor," Loki says in between harsh breaths.

"Why should I?" Thor says arrogantly. "You cannot hope to best me."

"I do not need to," Loki says, "as you will soon best yourself. You are consumed by your own power, and yet you continue to feed on it. It will destroy you if you don't stop this."

Thor laughs. "Then I shall go to Valhalla in a blaze of glory."

"Listen to me," Loki shouts as Thor starts advancing again. "Do you not remember this storm?" he says, gesturing to the dark clouds above them. "Do you remember how it tore apart the forest of our childhood? I was there, Thor. I have been traveling through your mind, trying to get you to see reason," he says, but Loki has never actually been very good at reasoning with Thor. He's very accomplished in tricking Thor into going along with his schemes, but these are not the same thing.

Thor looses a mighty battle cry and slams Mjolnir down hard on the ground. Loki can hear the sickening crack of the ice starting to crumble when the hammer makes contact. The ice directly beneath them holds, but who knows for how long? If Thor keeps this up he really _will_ destroy the planet, reducing it to icy rubble that will bury them both. 

Lightning crackles as Thor twirls Mjolnir in his hand and slowly starts advancing on Loki again, as if stalking his prey. Loki walks backwards, careful not to trip or get his foot caught in one of the cracks in the ice. 

"And still you run and use your petty little distractions," Thor says. "You will not keep me from this glorious battle, Loki. You who does not understand what it truly is to be a warrior."

Loki snorts. "Oh, I think understand it _far_ better than you do right now. There is no honor is this destruction. You are not a warrior now, you are a _brute_ ," Loki yells over the roar of the storm. "Is this what you want? To betray yourself to your darker impulses?"

"Save your clever words, trickster," Thor says and then he slams Mjolnir down onto the ice again. Loki feels his body jolt with the force as he struggles to keep his footing.

"Just listen to yourself! This isn't you," Loki implores him. "You have to master this."

Thor doesn't respond. He only charges forward again to take another swing at Loki. Thor's wet hair blows wildly as he runs, and he looks every inch the ruthless warrior. Loki scrambles, and he figures that now would be an excellent time to try using his magic again. 

Before Thor can slam into him, Loki closes his eyes and wills himself to disappear and teleport behind Thor. When he opens his eyes again, he feels the momentary pleasure of success, but he does not stand there to dwell on it. Instead he charges at Thor, slamming into him from behind with all his strength. It's not the kind of attack Loki would usually make, and he hopes the element of surprise is enough to throw Thor off. 

When Loki's body connects with Thor's, he hears Thor make an outraged sound as he loses his footing and they both go tumbling across the ice. They snarl and claw at each other as they roll, each struggling to get the upper hand. Loki can barely see anything through the snow except for Thor's red cape bright against the gloom as they fall. 

They finally come to a stop and Loki ends up on top of Thor, straddling him and meeting his terrifyingly blank stare. Before Loki can do anything, Thor growls, reaches up, and wraps his hand around Loki's throat. Loki claws at Thor's hand in desperation, but it's no use. Thor cannot be moved. Loki is in agony as feels the life being squeezed out of him. He can barely breathe, let alone speak, but he knows that words are the only thing that can save him now. 

Loki coughs and struggles to speak, though his voice is nothing but a quiet rasp against the pressure of Thor squeezing his windpipe. "We were raised together," Loki chokes out, "we played together. We fought together. Do you... do you remember none of that?"

Thor's grip stays firm and they stare at each other, frozen in this deadly tableaux. 

The color returns to Thor eyes and his hand slides down from Loki's neck. "Loki?"

Loki coughs and then takes in several great, heaving breaths. "Aye," he says, his voice still hoarse, "it's me, brother."

"I don't understand," Thor says, "What's happening? Why are we in Jotunheim?"

"There's no time for that now," Loki says, because he can feel that the ground beneath them is not exactly stable. Loki stumbles to his feet and Thor is right behind him. 

"We have to get some place safe," Loki says, although he fears that maybe there is no such thing anymore, "and then I will explain everything."

Thor frowns. "I will fly us-"

"To where, Thor?" Loki shouts, gesturing up at the vicious storm in the sky. There is nowhere to go. Loki just... he just needs more time to think. Thor still doesn't really understand their plight, Loki hasn't the time to fully explain it to him. His only focus now is survival.

They run together across the ice and snow. Loki almost slips and falls, but Thor is right there, dragging him up and wrapping an arm around his shoulder as they try to escape the crumbling ice creeping up behind them.

Loki gets an idea then, something that might buy them the time they need. His magic has served him better than he had hoped, maybe it will save them now. 

"Wait," Loki says to Thor and they both stop in their tracks. Loki quickly calls his seidr to him and focuses all of his energy on the ground beneath their feet. He funnels his power into stopping the ice, of strengthening and rebuilding it until it's strong and solid again. 

For a few brief moments, it actually works. 

Thor beams at him. "Loki, you-" and then Loki sees the red flash of Thor's cape before the ground crumbles and they are swallowed up by the ice. 


	4. The Chariot

Loki opens his eyes and finds himself standing alone on the middle of the Bifrost. He looks around and it all feels so familiar, from the shining citadel behind him and the observatory before him, to the way the rainbow colors flash up and down the length of the bridge like a wave. It would all be so perfectly normal if it weren't for the damned storm.

Loki looks up warily at the swirling mass of clouds that blocks out the constellations. There is no escape from it and it seems to chase them wherever they go. In their past encounters, it had taken some time for the storm to show itself. But here there is no respite at all; it's already raging and will soon be up to full force. Time is running out.

Loki looks down the expanse of the Bifrost and sees two figures fighting in the distance, red and green capes billowing against the vast emptiness of space. Loki breaks into a jog and heads toward them, his pace steady and determined. He draws his arms in close to his chest, attempting to shield himself against the short bursts of rain and strong winds that make the ocean waves below choppy. A lightning strike lights up the sky and then thunder rumbles so loud that Loki can barely even hear himself think.

The two figures are still far enough away that Loki cannot yet make out their voices, but he doesn't need to. In the void, time had seemed to stretch on endlessly and he had replayed this confrontation in his mind countless times. 

There's something surreal about it, watching the tragedy unfold from afar. There is Thor surrounded by an army of Loki's doubles, all laughing at him. And then there is Loki, pinned to the Bifrost, struggling under the immovable weight of Mjolnir on his chest.

Watching it now, the ending seems so obvious and inevitable: Thor shatters the Bifrost with his hammer, Odin arrives to catch them when they fall, and Loki lets go. Loki was a fool to imagine it ever could have been otherwise.

He is much closer now, close enough to hear Thor's anguished yell as he watches the other Loki fall. It is utterly heart-wrenching, the sound of a soul-deep despair. Loki realizes that he hadn't truly heard it that day, the sound had been swallowed up into the abyss as he fell. 

Odin flickers out of existence and it is only Thor now, kneeling down and staring despondently into the void. 

At last, Loki closes the distance between them until he's only a few feet away from Thor.

"I lose you," Thor says, but it's as if he's talking to himself. "I lose you every time, and there's nothing-"

"Thor!" Loki shouts, struggling to get Thor's attention.

Loki starts to call out again, but the world shifts and spins in a sudden rush that leaves Loki dizzy and disoriented. He feels himself falling and he reaches up desperately, grasping for purchase. He manages to grip onto a ledge of some kind and he clings to it with all his strength, his feet dangling below him. His head clears and he realizes that he's dangling from the side of the Bifrost. A chill of horror runs through him as he glances down at all the empty space beneath him.

 _Once was quite enough_ , Loki thinks, and then he takes a deep breath and starts pulling himself up.

He looks down the length of the bridge toward the observatory, and it's as if the memory of their showdown has started over again. Loki can see the shade of himself lying on the Bifrost, Mjolnir keeping him in place as he shouts at Thor.

Loki wonders how many times Thor has relived this memory. He himself has no desire to watch it happen again and he has the sinking suspicion that it will keep repeating unless he intervenes. Between the repeating memory and the increasingly destructive force of the storm, it's like he's watching Thor's mind stutter and fracture, hurtling toward its inevitable disintegration. 

Loki gets to his feet and breaks into a run, grateful that he is not too far away from where the action is. The intensity of the storm has picked up and rain falls hard in torrents. Loki struggles to maintain his footing and to keep his wet hair from blowing and obscuring his vision.

By the time Loki reaches them, Thor is already destroying the bridge again and Loki's double is screaming at him to stop. Both Thor and the other Loki leap into the air, coming down together as Thor gives the final blow that shatters the bridge. They both tumble through the air, but this time it isn't Odin who catches Thor's ankle and breaks their fall.

It's Loki. 

Loki finds it very strange indeed to stare down at the image of his younger self holding on to the staff and dangling below. The tear tracks on his cheeks, the desperate look of hope in his eyes... is this what he really looked like then? Is this the face Odin saw before he rejected Loki for the last time?

No matter what pretty lies Thor may believe, Loki sincerely doubts that Odin thinks of him as a son anymore. Because this is the moment that everything changed. This is the moment when Loki was truly disowned. 

Loki had thought that this didn't matter anymore, that he had long since moved on. But like everything he's experienced while inside Thor's mind, this memory leaves him feeling utterly broken.

"Loki?" Thor says, looking back and forth between the two of them. But Loki has neither the time nor patience for Thor's confusion now. Before either of them can speak again, Loki lets out a mighty yell and pulls, using all of his strength to start yanking them up. Once Thor is on the Bifrost again, he is able to help pull Loki's double up and they all collapse into a heap. The three of them clamber to their feet, panting hard as they stand there at the shattered edge of the Bifrost.

"How... is this another one of your tricks?" Thor asks warily. 

"It is not my trick, it is a delusion of your own making. You and I are real. But him?" Loki points at his shade, "and this?" he continues as he gestures around them. "These are mere figments of your imagination."

"Thor," the false Loki says shakily, his face streaked with rain and tears, "brother-"

"No," Loki says, cutting his doppelganger off. "Remember New York, Thor. Remember the artifact that sent _draugr_ out into the city. You destroyed it, but it backfired and all of the power found a home in you." 

Thor looks back at Loki with a flash of recognition in his eyes. "And you... you followed me here."

"Yes," Loki says. "I came to pull you out of this mess, but instead I have witnessed you torturing yourself by reliving my fall over and over again while the storm ravages your mind. Look at it!" he shouts, motioning up at the clouds. "You have to stop this. You have to take control or it will consume you."

Lightning crashes again and the wind picks up speed, but Loki does not panic. He is so close to getting Thor to understand.

Thor pauses and looks in back and forth between the two of them for a long moment. "Answer me this then," he says. "If we escape from here, will you promise to stay with me?"

It is a clearly a test to discern which one of them is the real Loki. If Thor thinks that Loki is the fake, would he actually be able to blink him out of existence here? Loki does not want to find out. He frowns as he considers his answer, trying to think of what Thor will most want to hear. Loki glances at his double and it's unnerving just how similar they are.

They both look at Thor and speak simultaneously.

Loki smiles and says, "of course."

The other Loki looks away and says, "I cannot promise you anything."

Thor closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. Rain keeps cascading down, little droplets sticking to his eyelashes. When he exhales, the other Loki disappears, the form evaporating into nothingness.

"How did you know?" Loki asks, because Thor's sadness indicates that it was more than just believing Loki's lie. 

"Because in my dreams, you never lie to me. I crave your honesty far more than your pretty lies."

A powerful wind blows, knocking Loki off of his feet and sending him sliding across the bridge. Loki is almost grateful for it, as he has no idea how to react to what Thor just said. He careens into Thor and for a moment, Loki thinks the force of his impact might send them both tumbling over the edge of the Bifrost, but Thor's stance holds firm, steady and immovable. Thor wraps a protective arm around Loki as they look up at the raging sky. 

"You have to control it, Thor," Loki shouts over the uproar, "or it will destroy everything!"

"But how?" Thor asks, because although he seems more like himself now, his eyes are still clouded with an edge of confusion. 

Loki sighs and rolls his eyes heavenward. "Are you not Lord of Storms?" he says as he slips out of Thor's grasp. "Use your power to do something useful for once in your life."

"I... yes. I will then," Thor laughs and it feels just like old times, the two of them sniping and teasing each other, even in the face of great danger.

Thor gives a final nod to Loki and then turns his face upwards and raises Mjolnir to the sky. His hair whips in the wind and his skin still looks a little too pale as the raindrops fall down on it. His eyes crackle with lightning and for a moment Loki worries that this is too much, that he has miscalculated and Thor will burn himself out after all. Loki cannot tear his eyes away from Thor as he watches because this is it. Their fate will be decided by this one, single moment. 

Loki lets out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding when Thor finally speaks.

"I am Thor, God of Thunder," he shouts up to the raging sky, "and you will yield to me!"

Lightning strikes Mjolnir hard and Thor's muscles go taut, raw power etched in every line of his body. The sheer amount of energy is palpable in the air and it makes the hair on Loki's arms stand up. Clouds swirl, slowly shifting and parting to let the stars shine through again. The rain becomes a drizzle and the wind slows as the sky itself surrenders to Thor.

Thor is often foolish and soft-hearted, but it's hard to remember that now. Here is Thor, the shining God of Thunder, master of all storms. Because it is one thing to call a storm, but it takes another kind of fortitude entirely to contain one. Thor has never looked more like a god than he does now, the perfect mixture of both raw power and the mastery that comes with restraint.

Loki cannot help but feel awe as he watches Thor. And just for a moment, he's at one with who he once was, the young boy who admired and adored his brother above all others.

The sparks fade from Thor's eyes and he nearly collapses, but Loki is there to wrap an arm around his waist and help him stand. A few scattered clouds remain, but the storm is largely contained and Loki breathes a sigh of relief.

"What now, brother?" Thor asks, panting for breath. 

Loki looks around in confusion. He'd thought surely that once Thor was himself again and had harnessed his power, they would return to their bodies. There must be something else, some other step they are missing. Loki turns his head and looks at the shining citadel in the distance, but quickly dismisses the idea. The last time they were there, the whole building fell apart. He glances down at the abyss below them and sighs. It seems that there may only be one escape from here.

"I think we have to jump," Loki says slowly. "I think it will allow us to leave this place and return to our bodies."

Thor frowns as he fastens Mjolnir to his belt. "And what will happen if you are wrong?"

Loki looks up at the remaining clouds, feeling his stomach drop because there seem to be more of them now. "Then I suppose we will be lost within your mind until your power consumes you and we both die." 

Though Thor's containment of the storm was a spectacular display of power, it still wasn't enough. The energy is still inside him, and Loki fears that only returning to their bodies will allow it to be safely released. Loki curses himself under his breath. What was he thinking, coming here on this fool's errand? He always thought that Thor would be the death of him and maybe now he will be proven right. 

Thor shakes his head vehemently. "No," he says, "there has to be another way."

"Well, there isn't one," Loki says harshly, although he would rather avoid that course of action too. He remembers what it was like to fall the first time, and he's certainly not looking forward to doing it again.

Thor swallows hard. "Loki, I... I cannot watch you fall from here. Not again."

Loki looks away. "Then what do you propose we do, Thor? I refuse to die here because of your sentimentality," Loki says, although he's painfully aware that it was his _own_ sentimentality that brought him here.

Thor turns his face away and gazes out into the distance. He pauses for several moments, and then a slow smile spreads over his face. "We could use the Bifrost."

"It's gone, you idiot!"

"No, Loki," Thor says, "you misunderstand me. Was it not you who said you saw me reliving this memory over and over? If this is true, then each time the memory started again, my mind was forced to restore the Bifrost anew."

"You think you can rebuild it," Loki says flatly.

"Yes."

Loki pauses. "It's not a terrible idea," he says, which Thor takes as a stunning endorsement. 

"Good," Thor says, gripping Loki's shoulder firmly to steady himself. "Let me try this."

Thor closes his eyes and Loki watches his face. Thor's breathing is deep and even, and his brow furrows in concentration. Loki has no idea where Thor's mind has wandered off to, but he clings tightly to Loki's shoulder as if it's his only anchor to reality. Loki realizes that he has grown so caught up in watching Thor that he has forgotten to see if Thor's efforts are having an actual effect.

"By the Nine," Loki says breathlessly as he stares out at the Bifrost, because pieces of the bridge have actually started to come back.

"You're doing it," Loki says, eyebrows raised in disbelief. "It's actually working."

Loki watches in fascination as the bridge continues to reform, but when he looks over at Thor he can see the strain on his face. He can hear Thor breathing hard with the effort. Thor grips Loki's shoulder harder for a moment to center himself and it seems to help for a little while. But in the end, the little bits of bridge that Thor has forged break, falling apart like a child's building blocks as they're swept out into the void.

Loki feels a sharp edge of desperation as he watches the clouds slowly building up again. They have come too far to die now, so close to the end.

Thor lets go of Loki's shoulder and turns to face him. "Do not lose faith, brother," he says, and then glances out at the abyss again, lost in thought.

Loki sighs. "Thor, this is-"

"No, wait," Thor says. "I think... I think it can be done, but I will need your help, brother."

Loki's eyes narrow. "How?"

"I remember now, when you saved me from my darker self. You used your magic to create ground under our feet to try and keep us from falling."

Loki scoffs. "Yes, and how well did _that_ turn out?"

"Because you tried to accomplish the feat on your own, and my mind sought to stop you at every turn. I was in no position to aid you then, but I can now."

"This is ridiculous, Thor," Loki says, his voice tight with frustration.

"Do you have a better suggestion?"

"I... no," Loki admits begrudgingly. As he looks out across the shattered Bifrost, Loki wonders if Thor really _is_ in control of things on some level. It's almost as if all other options have been closed to them, as if Thor's subconscious mind will not allow them to leave unless they do this together. 

Thor lets both of his hands rest on Loki's shoulders, and Loki allows it. Thor has always been tactile and touching Loki seemed to help ground him the first time. Loki rolls his eyes, but he does the same, feeling Thor's arms against his own and the corded muscle of Thor's shoulders beneath his palms. He closes his eyes and takes in a few deep breaths to try and center himself. His eyes fly open and his breath hitches when he feels... _Thor._ His power, his presence, his very _essence,_ rising up to meet Loki's own. It's like they are speaking to each other on an instinctual level, combining into something powerful and greater than the sum of its two parts. The sheer vulnerability of it all makes Loki want to recoil, but he forces himself to stay where he is.

"This is foolish," Loki says, careful to keep all anxiety from his voice. "What in Hel's name am I meant to be doing?"

"When I did it before I just... thought of the Bifrost as it should be."

Loki rolls his eyes. "Idiot," he says, but Thor only smiles at him.

Their eyes meet and Loki is struck by how much Thor looks almost entirely like himself again. His eyes are clear with the certainty that this will work, that their success is already a self-evident truth. Loki has always been a skeptic, but even he is not immune to Thor's particular blend of personal magnetism. Thor possesses a charisma that can convince others to follow him anywhere and a simple faith that can make even Loki willing to suspend his disbelief for awhile.

And so Loki closes his eyes thinks of the Bifrost as it was, remembering the vibrancy of its colors as he stared out at it from the citadel's balconies. He remembers all the times he and Thor rode across it on their horses, and the way the bridge shone beneath them. 

"Look," Thor says and Loki opens his eyes. When he gazes out, he sees that a portion of the bridge has indeed been restored and this time it is holding firm. 

Thor smiles at Loki, his usual self-assurance and confidence seeming to have returned in full force. "I told you, brother," Thor says, "we can do this."

Loki scowls. "Well, let us get on with then, Oh Wise Thor." 

Loki shuts his eyes then, but he doesn't need to be able to see to know that Thor is smiling at him. Loki inhales and focuses his energy toward the Bifrost. He thinks of the little details, the crystalized colors of the bridge and the particular shade of gold on the observatory's outer dome. It isn't long before Loki once again senses the flicker of Thor's power meeting his own, and it feels both utterly natural and deeply uncomfortable.

Thor is raw power, he is determination and sheer force of will. He is pureness of heart, and the very essence of fortitude and unshakeable conviction.

And Loki... Loki is the power that comes from foresight, power that is honed and carefully applied with nothing wasted. If Thor is a hammer then Loki is a blade; keen, clever, and cunning. He is that which is obscured in shadow, lying in wait for the perfect time to strike. He is focus, efficacy, and precision. 

Loki can feel Thor's power like little phantom sparks on his skin. And Loki takes it. He shapes it and channels it out, envisioning the Bifrost as if he were painstakingly re-constructing it piece by piece. 

As Loki's concentration grows, he finds himself gradually leaning closer to Thor. It's instinctual, and he's barely conscious of it, not enough to fight it as he normally would. He can feel Thor inching forward too, until their foreheads press together and they're breathing the same air. Thor's arms slip around Loki's waist and Loki follows suit. Thor sighs, and Loki feels grounded by the sensation of Thor's steady heartbeat against his chest. 

The last time they faced each other on the Bifrost, it was all in the service of destruction. But now they are stuck here together, forced to create something in order to survive.

It feels like time is at a standstill as they work, focused on nothing but each other and the task at hand. It's almost meditative the way Loki gets lost in it; the low thrum of his seidr, the warmth of Thor's body pressed against his, and the steady inhale and exhale of Thor's breathing. Loki is struck by the memories of adventures past, when he and Thor were so very in tune with each other. The times when they worked so perfectly in tandem that they almost became as one, an unstoppable, invincible force. Even after all the destruction Loki has wrought, he has never felt so much like a god as he did then.

When Loki finally opens his eyes, he feels as if he's waking from a dream. He looks out at their work, and everything is there, just as it should be. The Bifrost sparkles with color and the observatory is a rich, glittering gold against the vast expanse of space.

"It's magnificent," Thor says, his eyes wide with wonder. Loki doesn't say a word, but finds that he doesn't disagree with Thor's sentiment.

"Did I not tell you that we could do this?" Thor says as he grins at Loki. "There was no cause for your doubts."

"Yes yes, you were right for once in your life," Loki grumbles as pulls himself out of Thor's embrace. "Just don't let it go to your head."

Thor looks up and Loki follows his line of sight, seeing that there are still scattered clouds on the horizon. They are not out of the proverbial woods just yet.

"Now hurry, we must make haste," Thor says and then they are off in a mad dash to the observatory. 

As they run, Loki glances down at the part the bridge that they re-created. When he sees it up close, he realizes that it doesn't really look like the rest of the Bifrost at all; it's colors are muted and it is a crooked, jagged thing, but it's _theirs_. 

They finally reach the observatory, both panting for breath as they stand inside the golden dome. Thor spots Heimdall's sword laying on the floor and runs over to grab it. Loki watches as Thor quickly approaches the pedestal in the center of the room and slots the sword into it. The air becomes charged with energy and sparks of lightning climb up the dome's walls like the roots of Yggdrasil. The whole dome closes up and begins to spin rapidly, until a clear exit point appears against the wall, a swirling archway of multicolored light. Loki nods at Thor and they both cross the room in long strides until they stand there, facing each other in front of the portal that will hopefully lead them home. 

As he has done so many times before, Thor places his hands on Loki's shoulders and looks him in the eye. Thor looks healed now, that innate golden glow fully restored to him.

"You came all this way, you risked everything to save me. Thank you, brother," Thor says, his eyes bright with affection and sincerity.

Loki opens his mouth to speak, but all his protests die on his lips. Because he _did_ risk everything to save Thor and there is no lie he can spin to prove otherwise. And worst of all, he would do it again if given the chance.

Thor looks into his eyes and Loki can tell that he _knows_. That now he remembers every step of their journey through his mind. That he sees everything, sees all of Loki just as Loki saw all of him.

"Damn you," Loki says, and he immediately wishes he hadn't spoken at all. Though they were meant to curse Thor, the words feel more like an admission that this whole ordeal has affected Loki so strongly.

But at least Loki was right about one thing: whatever happens, in the end it always comes down to the two of them, standing on the precipice of life and death together.

Thor cups Loki's cheek in his hand and kisses him tenderly. Loki kisses back and feels the gentle spark and tingle on his lips, just like in days long past. Loki breaks the kiss but keeps his forehead pressed against Thor's. Their eyes meet and just for a moment it's like all the distance between them has been bridged, mended and made whole again. 

Loki pulls away and Thor lets his hand fall from Loki's face. He takes Loki's hand in his with a firm, sure grip and squeezes tightly. Loki cannot help but remember when Thor did the same before their imagined coronation. He remembers Thor's smile and the weight of a wedding ring on his finger.

Thor grins. "I will see you on the other side," he says, and then they leap forward and are gone in swirling kaleidoscope of light.

  



	5. Temperance

The concrete is hard beneath Loki's back when he comes to. There's a throbbing ache at his temple and a weariness that settles into his bones. He feels the sudden shifting of powerful seidr and even from behind his closed eyelids he can see a bright flare of light. He hears the sound of humans cheering, but it all seems so far away. 

Loki groans and opens his eyes, sitting up to take stock of the situation. He feels confused, as he has no idea how time flowed when he was inside Thor's mind. But though the night sky is still dark, the bright city lights have returned. Loki looks around and sees that he's still in the same place as before, except that humans have cordoned it off with the yellow tape they use to demarcate crime scenes. Romanov, Stark, and Rogers are nearby and a large contingent of SHIELD agents move through the crowds as they try to keep order. Car horns blare and throngs of people flood the streets, laughing and crying with relief. 

But there is no relief for Loki because Thor is still unconscious. It seems that their mission was successful in that it gave Thor enough control to safely release the energy he was holding hostage. But whether or not Thor himself survived the trauma remains to be seen. 

"No," Loki breathes out as he scrambles over to Thor. Loki moves instinctually, with no care for how he looks or who is watching. Nothing else matters now. He crouches down on his knees and stares at Thor where he lies prone on the concrete. He has released Mjolnir from his grip, but his eyes still crackle with unnatural lightning. Thor cannot die, not now. Loki knows that the universe is a cold, savage place and that fate is fickle at best, but this is too cruel. All of the challenges and confusion, the uncomfortable truths, the sheer emotional torment... it cannot have all been for nothing. 

He pulls Thor into his arms, letting his head rest limply against Loki's chest. 

"Wake up, you great fool," Loki says, his voice a harsh whisper as he smooths Thor's golden hair back from his dirt-streaked face. Thor does not stir and Loki swallows hard, his throat growing tight as his sense of despair rises.

He shakes Thor roughly. "Wake up," he demands, but Thor remains still as death. Loki's panic clenches in his chest, clawing at him like a feral beast. "I know you, Thor. You are... you are far too stubborn to die."

The light dims in Thor's eyes and for one brief, crushing moment Thor's whole body goes still. 

Thor inhales deeply and his lashes flutter as he opens his eyes. He seems bewildered and it takes a moment for his vision to focus, but when it finally does he stares right up at Loki and smiles. "Loki. We made it."

Loki takes a deep shuddering breath, trying to pull himself together. His nerves are rattled and he thinks he may be shaking, but when he speaks he keeps his tone light and haughty. "Yes, no thanks to you," he says. "After everything I have done for you, I cannot believe that you nearly had the gall to up and die on me."

"I would never." Thor tries to laugh but his voice is raspy and it comes out more like cough. Loki supports Thor's back, helping him to sit up. Though he scoots away and releases his hold on Thor, he stays close. Thor's friends notice that he has awakened and they come running to his side. 

"My friends," Thor says as he beams at them, "it is good to see you."

"You too, big guy," Stark says, his suit now powered up and glowing again. "You had us worried."

"I am fine," Thor replies, but he's looking at Loki. "My brother was there when I needed him."

Loki finds it difficult to breathe because he can place the look in Thor's eyes, and it's painfully familiar.

He saw it when they played together in the forest, and again when they stood outside the great hall, waiting to be crowned as co-regents. He saw it on Jotunheim in the moment right after Thor mastered his darker self. And finally, when Thor reached for his hand before they walked into the light together. 

Thor's gaze is soft around the edges and singularly focused on Loki. It's as if there's no chaos around them, no city in turmoil and not another soul around for miles. For that brief moment, there is nothing else in Thor's universe except Loki. 

Loki begins to realize that this not just a new occurrence brought on by their journey through Thor's mind. There are so many other instances, too many to count. Loki has had whole centuries, whole _lifetimes_ of that look, but he didn't truly understand it until now. 

Loki has spent so many years trying to prove his worth and show himself as Thor's equal; to Asgard, to his false father, to Midgard, but mostly to Thor himself. But when he was inside Thor's mind, he saw that there was never a time when Thor didn't think them equals. That Thor has always loved him best.

It is painfully obvious and yet it still seems completely unbelievable.

Loki wonders what Thor sees in _his_ eyes during those moments. He wonders if his own regard for Thor is so plain on his face. Does Loki's mouth go soft and slack the way Thor's does? Can Thor see the pathetic longing that lives just below Loki's burning hatred of him?

Loki blinks and the moment is gone. Thor's friends are staring at Loki, and the Black Widow has a particularly knowing look in her eyes. A terrible realization dawns on Loki then. He may have no inkling of the expression on his face when he looks at Thor, but these mortals? Now _they do_. Loki feels terribly exposed, that such insignificant creatures should know something about him that he doesn't even know about himself. 

It's all too much and Loki turns his face away. Loki can hear Thor and his friends speaking to each other, but the thoughts racing through his mind make it hard to pay attention to their chatter. The color has returned to Thor's cheeks and he smiles as he's surrounded by his comrades. 

_Thor always has a smile for everyone_ , Loki thinks, because this is the problem with that _look_ that Thor gives Loki; it's fleeting, it never lasts.

Maybe the experience he and Thor shared was nothing special and anyone could have done it. Maybe Loki should have sent one of Thor's friends instead, for all it mattered.

That Loki cannot even lie convincingly just goes to show how much Thor has broken him, ruined him utterly. So Loki stares at Thor and his friends, willing his heart to be filled with bitterness and hatred. He latches on to the cold comfort of his jealousy. He remembers the terrible things Thor said to him in Jotunheim and lets them seep into his skin, like poison in an already open wound. Takes it all and uses it as impetus for leaving. He needs to be somewhere where can _think_ , where he can survey the damage Thor has done and put himself back together again. 

Loki stands up, his joints cracking as he stretches out. "Well," he says, "since I am no longer needed, I suppose it's time for me to be leaving."

"Loki, wait-"

"Don't. But perhaps... perhaps I'll come check on you soon. Can't have you trying to destroy the city again, after all. I have grown somewhat fond of it in my exile," Loki smirks, but he's still so shaken by the whole experience that it's half-hearted at best.

Before Loki leaves, his eyes meet Thor's one last time. Thor doesn't look angry or hurt, just deeply disappointed. Somehow, it's so much worse. 

***

  


Three days pass and things return to normal. Well, as much as they can anyway. Loki leaves New York for one of his other residences, a penthouse in Los Angeles. As someone very practiced in the art of illusion, there's a level of artifice about the city that appeals to him. He had considered going to Latveria to take his mind off of things, but thought better of it. While seeing what Victor is plotting is equal parts intriguing and amusing, the thing Loki wants the most after this whole ordeal is to be alone for awhile. 

Though he's not in New York, the television news reports allow him to keep track of events as they unfold. He watches the people of New York as they rally together, recovering and rebuilding like the industrious little ants they are. The Avengers have been helping, including Thor.

 _He should be recovering, not helping his pet mortals_ , Loki thinks, but the fool never did know how to take care of himself.

Loki gets back to working on an ancient book of sorcery he's been trying to decipher, but he leaves the television on in the background, occasionally flipping back and forth between the news and the weather. There don't appear to be any freak storms, so Loki supposes that Thor's powers must be fully back under his control.

As more information about the incident is released, reports have begun to leak that the mysterious man who aided the God of Thunder and helped restore power to the city may have actually been Loki. Already, the humans are speculating over why he may have done it, if he has changed or if it was all just some ploy. Loki knows that he can probably use that uncertainty to his advantage in some way, but the situation still makes him angry. How is it that even comatose, Thor can manage to undermine him? How will anyone take him seriously as a threat now? Maybe it's better that he _didn't_ go to Latveria after all.

For better or worse, the deed is done. Thor is restored and they can go back to being mortal enemies. Loki should move on now and his mind should be free to return to other plans and concerns.

But no matter what Loki does, he cannot rid Thor from his thoughts. He spends his days thinking about Thor, watching and listening to the news reports for any mention of him. He spends his nights dreaming about Thor, the bright sunlight of their childhood and the simple happiness they shared in that life that never was. He dreams that Thor is still lost and Loki is trying desperately to find him, and he feels bereft when he wakes up in the morning and Thor is not there.

He is longing for Thor, _pining_ for him even, and it's pathetic. 

Loki knows that he is better than this. His preoccupation must have been brought on by some external force. The more Loki mulls it over, the more he thinks that this must be Thor's doing, a terrible side effect of his journey through Thor's mind. He has ensorcelled Loki, left some connection between them that wasn't properly severed. 

Loki doesn't know if Thor is conscious of it or not, but the fact that Thor has dared to do this to him makes Loki clench his fists with impotent rage. The situation is completely untenable and it must be stopped immediately. 

Though Loki had not been truthful when he'd said he would come check on Thor, he finds that in this case, it may actually be useful for him to keep his word. Thor is the source of all this trouble, and only through talking to him will Loki get the answers he needs. 

***

  


That evening, Loki teleports himself onto Thor's floor in the Avengers Tower. It is easy enough; against Loki's power, the Tower's defenses are weak and easily penetrable.

Thor is in the kitchen dressed in nothing but a pair of dark blue pajama pants. He looks tired as he leans against the counter, sipping from a silver goblet. Loki assumes that it must be mead and that Thor is enjoying a nightcap of sorts.

Loki does not reveal himself right away, instead opting to hang back in the shadows for a time. His eyes drink in the sight of Thor; his golden skin and hair, the way his Adam's apple bobs as he drinks, and the way the muscles flex in his chest and bare arms with every movement.

As much as it pains him, Loki has come to accept his sexual attraction to Thor as an immutable fact. However, Thor seems to feel that same level of attraction toward him so Loki supposes they are even. Sex was never the issue between them; it was everything else that was the problem.

Thor finishes and sets his dirty goblet down in the sink. Loki follows Thor as he walks across the apartment and into his bedroom. The room is large and the decor is full of saturated reds and browns, reminiscent of Thor's quarters in Asgard. The center of the room is taken up by a massive four-poster bed, carved from rich mahogany. Familiar tapestries decorate the walls and Loki wonders if Frigga gifted them to Thor to make his place on Midgard feel more like home. They were not here the last time Loki visited this room a few years ago.

Thor sits down on the bed and only then does Loki reveal himself.

Loki settled on wearing something more casual tonight, simple black slacks with a dark green dress shirt. It's just a conversation. There's no need for Loki to wear his armor (even though he foolishly feels as if he needs it).

"Hello, Thor."

Thor's eyes widen in surprise, but then his expression changes into something that seems both hopeful and wary.

"It seems that you have yourself under control again," Loki drawls. "The weather has been remarkably clear these past days."

Thor smiles. "You've been paying attention then."

Loki shrugs. "The Midgardians have an entire television channel devoted to their weather. It's tedious, but informative."

"Well," Thor grins, "your concern for me is much appreciated, brother."

Loki rolls his eyes. "I only came to see if you had managed to get your fool head into trouble again. If anyone is going to destroy this city, it shall be me. It seems you must always steal what is rightfully mine."

Thor sighs. "Why did you come here, Loki?"

Loki looks away for a moment. Thor has always had a talent for unwittingly asking loaded questions.

"I need to know what you did to me." 

"What do you mean?" Thor asks. He seems genuinely puzzled by the question, but Loki is still suspicious. He knows that Thor is normally a terrible actor, but perhaps whatever this bond is between them goes both ways. Perhaps Thor picked up something of Loki too during their journey.

"You did something to me," Loki says, pointing an accusatory finger at Thor. "When I was in your head. You changed me somehow."

"What?" Thor says, seeming even more confused than before.

"You have... you have wormed your way into my thoughts. You've forced some strange connection and tethered yourself to me," Loki says, his voice rising in anger as he begins pacing. He hates to speak so candidly but he needs to understand what's going on as soon as possible. Only then can he undo what Thor has forced upon him.

"I don't know when you did it," Loki says, "perhaps when we restored the Bifrost, but you have... _invaded_ my mind and made a place for yourself where there should be none. Whatever you've done to me, you have far overstepped your bounds this time, Thor. I will _not_ stand for it."

Loki pants harshly, breathless from the intensity of his tirade.

The room is silent except for Loki's heavy breathing and the sound of his footsteps as he continues to pace. Thor gives him a long look and then lets out a snort of laughter and shakes his head. "Loki, stop with your pacing. Sit down," he says, patting the bed.

Loki crosses his arms and gives Thor a dirty look. "Fine," he says with a huffy sigh as he sits down next to Thor. Thor reaches up to wrap his arm around Loki's shoulder but Loki swats him away.

"Did I say that you could touch me, Thor? Why don't you keep your filthy paws to yourself and tell me what it is about my... predicament that you find so amusing."

"I should not have laughed," Thor says, "but I only did so because I do not understand how one can be so clever but also miss so much."

Loki feels his hackles rise at the insult, but Thor continues on undeterred. 

"You believe that in rebuilding the Bifrost together I left some part of myself into your mind, but you are wrong, brother. What we accomplished there was only possible _because_ of our connection to each other. You have forgotten the depth of our love for each other."

Thor pauses for a long moment and then looks Loki in the eye. "I did not do anything to you, Loki. There is no new bond between us, only that which was already there."

Loki feels lightheaded for a moment, like the floor is dropping out beneath him. "But... that is _absurd_ ," he spits out and the lie tastes bitter on his tongue. 

"Loki," Thor says as he takes Loki's hand in his own. It reminds Loki of when they jumped from the Bifrost in Thor's mind, a brief moment of comfort against the uncertainty of whether they would live or die. 

They both surge forward, lips crushing together in a desperate kiss. Loki sighs into it, tasting the honeyed flavor of mead on Thor's lips. Thor wraps his arms around Loki and holds him close to his chest. He falls back onto the bed and pulls Loki on top of him. It's uncomfortable and they're both halfway hanging off of the bed but it doesn't matter. Thor spreads his legs enough for Loki to fit in between them and grind his hardening cock against Thor's through their clothing.

They moan into each others' mouths and Thor's stubble is pleasantly rough against Loki's cheeks. Thor reaches down and untucks Loki's shirt on one side. He slides one of his hands underneath it and Loki shivers to feel Thor's touch on his bare skin. 

Since Loki is starting to slide off of the bed entirely, he takes the opportunity to stand up and remove his clothing. He toes his shoes off first and then unbuttons his shirt. His movements are swift, as he's far too aroused to bother with a full striptease. He tosses the shirt to the floor while Thor looks up at him appreciatively. 

Loki returns Thor's gaze and lets his lips curl up into a little smirk.

Loki knows what he looks like, and he understands that many find his form to be attractive. These days, he considers his appearance as another weapon in his arsenal, a means to trick and manipulate others.

But it was not always so. When he was younger he felt shame over his physique as he did not have the traditional warrior's build that Thor was so admired for. Oddly enough, it was Thor who helped him overcome his insecurities. During their period of sexual experimentation, Thor never once looked at Loki's body as if it were lesser than. When their eyes meet again, Loki sees that not much has changed on that front and he can't help but preen a little under Thor's gaze.

Loki slides off his pants, underwear and socks in short order, leaving him completely naked. He stalks forward and reaches for Thor's pants, crouching down slightly so he can grip the waistband tightly in his hands. They both laugh a little when Loki unsuccessfully tries yanking them down.

"You could help, you know," Loki says. Thor laughs again but this time when Loki pulls, Thor lifts his hips up to make it easier for him.

Humor transforms back into lust when Loki sees Thor's hard cock spring free. Thor's erection is thick and heavy, with a bead of precome at the tip. Loki remembers the first time he let Thor fuck him. It took a lot of time and lube and patience to get Thor's cock all the way in, but it was more than worth it. And now Loki hungers for it inside him again, filling him up and fucking him hard.

Thor scoots backwards on the bed and Loki joins him, climbs on top and covers Thor's body with his own. Loki sighs and Thor moans at the sensation of their naked skin pressed together. They start kissing again and Thor's hands skate along Loki's back as they grind against each other. Just like always, Thor's skin is so warm. It seems that even in this, they are opposites.

Loki sits up to better run his hands all over Thor's body. Because it wasn't enough there out on the street; he is overcome by the ingrained instinct to touch Thor, to feel that he is solid and real and safe. 

Thor's eyes are knowing as he looks up at Loki and strokes his cheek. "I'm fine, Loki," he says.

"Shut up," Loki says as he pushes Thor's hand away. The bastard can tell. He knows everything now, there is nowhere left to hide. Thor has seen the places where their innermost desires align, and now they cannot be unseen.

Loki brushes it off as best as he can, climbs over Thor to open the nightstand drawer and pull out the lube he assumes is there. As Thor is a creature of habit, Loki is not surprised at all to find it in the same place it was the last time he and Thor had sex. It was three years ago, during a moment of weakness that Loki has tried to forget (and failed miserably at).

Loki pours some lube on his fingers, reaches behind himself, and then slides two fingers in. He bites his lip and moans softly as he works himself open, his heated gaze upon Thor the entire time. Thor's cheeks are flushed and his expression is rapt as he watches. 

When he's no longer content to just watch, Thor reaches up and runs his hands up and down Loki's thighs, his calluses deliciously rough against the soft skin there. Loki tenses up and sighs as he adds a third finger.

" _Loki_ ," Thor says, his voice little more than a broken moan. Thor cannot stop staring and Loki can tell just what he's thinking, imagining how Loki's hole looks as his fingers breach it. Loki watches Thor drizzle a bit of lube on his own fingers. Thor rests one hand on Loki's hip to steady him and then reaches behind, shoving two of his thick fingers in alongside Loki's. Loki moans and hisses at the stretch, the perfect blend of pleasure with an edge of pain. They thrust in unison, and Loki bites back little noises as their fingers fuck him open. Loki starts thrusting back against them, trying to get more. For a moment, Loki wonders if he could take Thor's whole hand if they tried. He feels his cock get painfully hard at the very thought of it. But as intriguing as the idea is, that isn't what he wants tonight. 

"Enough," Loki says, "fuck me."

Thor doesn't seem to have any objection to Loki's demand. They both slide their fingers out and Loki moans softly at the loss. Thor chuckles as he slicks up his cock. A biting remark is on the tip of Loki's tongue, but he forgets everything because Thor is grasping Loki's hip, making him raise up enough for Thor to finally slide his cock inside.

Thor grips his cock with his free hand and presses it against Loki's hole, guiding himself inside. Thor moves slowly, working his cock in inch by inch. Loki would demand that he go faster if he weren't enjoying the sweet torture so much. They both moan when Thor finally bottoms out, his balls pressed firmly up against Loki's ass. As good as their fingers felt, nothing compares to the sensation of Thor's cock filling him up. He's overcome by the same old desperation, the desire that burns him and settles into every cell in his skin. Loki can't deny how much he has craved this, not now. He can't do anything but sinuously work his hips up and down as he rides Thor's cock. 

"Oh fuck, Loki, _yes_ ," Thor moans as he clutches Loki's hips and starts thrusting up into Loki hard. Loki meets every thrust with one of his own, until the rhythm is so good that he's panting for air and practically writhing on Thor's cock.

Their eyes meet and Loki sees the way Thor is looking up at him. He looks at Loki as if he's perfect, as if he's never wanted anyone or anything more. Something inside Loki breaks then and he leans down and kisses Thor wildly, running his hands over every inch of skin he can reach. He feels like he wants to crawl inside Thor's skin. Loki still remembers the way he felt when he saw Thor laying half-dead on the street. But with every kiss and every undulation of his hips, Loki feels a sense of reassurance. It's as if the fear and panic he was still carrying inside him are finally being exorcized.

"I'm fine, Loki," Thor says again when they break for air, as if Loki didn't believe him the first time.

"I told you to shut up," Loki hisses. He sits up and manages to hit Thor in the chest once before Thor grabs his hands and restrains them. Loki struggles, but the movement only makes him moan as Thor's cock sinks deeper inside him. Thor keeps Loki's hands down against his chest, near to his collarbone.

The last time they were in such a position it was Thor's hand wrapped around Loki's throat, nearly choking the very life out of him. 

They both go utterly still, and Thor looks stricken, as if he too is remembering that moment. 

Thor releases Loki's hands and Loki pulls away, letting Thor's cock slide out of his body. He scoots away from Thor and glares at him from the other side of the bed. 

"You would have killed me."

Thor sits up and shakes his head emphatically. "No. I could never. Not even then." 

"I remember what you said, Thor," Loki says. "You said that you should have given up on me long ago."

Thor looks down and sighs. "I did. And I'm sorry," he says, but it doesn't make it any better. The words have already been spoken and they cannot be taken back now. 

It is a strange paradox; Loki has been trying to get Thor to give up on him for years, and yet he's crushed by the idea that it might actually happen.

Thor scoots closer and reaches out for Loki's hand, but Loki crosses his arms. Thor sighs and pauses for a long moment, clearly struggling to find the right words. "Loki," he starts, "there are... there are many people in my life whom I love dearly. And they have told me many times that I should let you go. That I fight for a lost cause."

Loki's whole body goes tense, as if preparing to receive a terrible blow. Because this is it. All that they saw and experienced in Thor's mind was for nothing. Loki has always feared that he needs Thor more than Thor needs him, and it seems that now he will finally be proven right.

 _This_ is how it ends: not with a battle, but with a surrender.

Loki thought that Thor's death would break him, but this almost seems worse somehow. Loki has endured Thor's love and actively courted his hatred, but he does not know if he could survive Thor's indifference. 

Thor swallows hard. "I cannot lie to you: in my darker moments I wonder if there is wisdom in their words. But wondering whether or not you _should_ take a course of action is not the same as actually taking it," he says. Thor pauses again as he looks into Loki's eyes. When he speaks again his voice is sure and steady.

"No matter what happens I will never, _ever_ give up on you, Loki. _Never_."

"You... you are an idiot without even an ounce of self-preservation," Loki says, but with the way he risked his own life to save Thor's, he wonders if he's really any better.

By all rights, Loki should have let go of Thor long ago. Oh, all the things he could have done, all the chaos he could have caused if so much of his life was not consumed by his damnable, inexplicable relationship with Thor.

"It was a mistake to go after you," Loki says viciously. "Honestly, I should just kill you now."

Thor scoots closer to Loki. "But you cannot. And if you could _truly_ be honest with yourself, you would recognize that you do not want to." 

"I should go," Loki says, but as soon as the words are out of his mouth, they are moving forward and kissing each other again. It's slower this time, but the intensity is still there.

Loki finds himself facing Thor and sitting on his lap as they kiss and rub up against each other. He moans into Thor's mouth, feeling his cock getting harder again with every movement of their hips. Thor presses kisses to Loki's neck and Loki wraps his legs around Thor's waist, desperate for more friction.

"Do it," Loki moans as he runs his fingers through Thor's hair. Thor seems to know exactly what Loki is asking for. He stills Loki's hips and lifts him up, and then Loki throws his head back and moans at the blissful sensation of Thor's cock sliding inside him again.

There's not enough leverage for them to fuck as roughly as Loki usually likes, but it feels so damn good. It feels even better when Thor pushes Loki onto his back, pins him down, and ruts into him hard.

"Oh _fuck_ , Thor," Loki moans as he claws at Thor's back. His head is nearly hanging off the bed, but he doesn't care, just wants Thor to fuck him deeper and harder.

"Loki," Thor moans in a shaky voice as he picks up his pace. Thor lets out a low growl and then his hips stutter and still as he comes deep inside Loki. Thor reaches down to take Loki's dick in hand, and it only takes a few strokes before Loki is seeing stars and coming all over his chest and stomach.

***

  


Under the cover of moonlight, Loki slips out of Thor's bed and quickly puts on his clothing. He's barely finished buttoning up his shirt when he hears Thor's deep voice, cutting through the silence.

"I've known you to be a trickster and liar, but true cowardice is beneath you."

Loki whirls around to glare at him. "So now you think to shame me," Loki says coldly. "I am beyond such emotions, Thor."

"You think yourself beyond any emotions, when we both know very well that you are not."

Loki crosses his arms angrily and looks away. Though he was the one inside Thor's head, Thor still saw so much of him and he won't forget it, no matter how fervently Loki wishes that he would. There is nowhere he can hide anymore and he feels even more naked than he did when they were in bed together. 

"In your mind, on the Bifrost, your heart's desire was for my honesty. So hear me, Thor: I am leaving. I don't want you."

"More lies," Thor says, his expression stormy as he glares at Loki, "even when it is completely futile. You know how much I love you, you've seen it with your own eyes. And I have seen the depth of your love for me too."

Loki clenches his fists in frustration because the worst part of this is that Thor is right. Thor's love is solid and real and irrefutable. There is no lie that Loki can concoct to deny it or some means he can find to reason it away. It just is.

"And why did you come to see me, Loki? It was because you had forgotten the strength of our love, to the point where you thought I had enchanted you to make you miss me."

Loki's glare is bright with ire. "How can you-"

" _No_ ," Thor says. "How can _you_ walk away now after all we have been through?"

 _You can't run away forever_ , Loki thinks, cursing himself as his own words echo in his head. They still ring loudly in his ears even as he disappears into thin air.

***

  


Loki spends the next week in Los Angeles, doing his best to forget about everything that happened. He continues his attempts to decipher the ancient spell book, but he leaves the Weather Channel on in the background as he works, just in case. The last time they spoke it seemed like Thor's powers were well under control, but one can never be too sure. Who knows when Thor will get himself into another mess that Loki will have to bail him out of?

Another day goes by, and Loki spends the afternoon hunched over an amulet, working a difficult enchantment upon it. He's almost finished, when he hears the meteorologist on TV comment on a freak storm just outside of Puente Antiguo, New Mexico. Loki tries to ignore it and concentrate on the task at hand, but after he's botched the enchantment for the third time he knows that it's futile.

"Damn you, Thor," Loki mutters, and then he's gone.

***

  


When Loki arrives, the rain is pouring down and dark storm clouds hang heavily in the sky. Loki breathes in the rich scent of petrichor, blended with the smell of ozone from past lightning strikes. The landscape here is flat except little bushes, sagebrush, and a few scattered trees.

Thor isn't hard to find. He's at the center of it all, just like always.

He's a few miles outside of the town, sitting on the wet ground with his back pressed up against a lonely juniper tree. Though the tree branches shield him from the worst of the rain, his golden hair and skin are still damp with it. Mjolnir lies inert by his side, waiting until her master has use of her once more. Thor is in his element now, completely at ease and under control. All storms are volatile by nature, but unlike the one that nearly destroyed Thor's mind, this one is not dangerous; under Thor's watch, it will run its course as it should.

Rain falls hard on Loki's face, and his hair whips in the wind as he approaches.

"You know," Loki says, "there are easier ways to get my attention." 

Thor smiles. "Are there? I find it hard to believe you would settle for anything less than a grand gesture."

Thor is not wrong. It is so like the two of them. They are a series of grand gestures, of high stakes and life and death situations. They are an age old saga playing out on a celestial stage.

Loki thinks that perhaps they've had enough grand gestures to last several lifetimes. Maybe those gestures have outlived their usefulness and it's the small moments like this that matter more now.

Loki continues walking until he's standing under the tree next to Thor. "What is it with you and your storms, Thor?" Loki asks, glaring down at his brother. "Do you take some perverse pleasure in making a mess and ruining my clothes?"

"You're not the only one who can play tricks."

"I wouldn't consider calling an entire storm just to ruin my clothing to be a 'trick'. It's far too blunt and obvious to be worthy of the title. But I suppose you've never been one for subtlety."

Thor pats the ground next to him. "You can sit down now, if you've sated your urge to insult me." Loki rolls his eyes but he sits down under the tree next to Thor anyway.

They sit in silence for a few moments, watching the sky as the rain falls in a staccato rhythm. 

"Why did you call for me now?" Loki asks. 

Thor smiles wryly and gives Loki a sidelong glance. "I know how you are, Loki, and so I thought to give you time to stew. Perhaps I should have waited longer, but I've never possessed much in the way of patience."

Loki sighs. "What do you want, Thor?"

Thor shakes his head and looks at Loki in dismay. "And you call _me_ fool. You were inside my mind. You are well aware of the kind of life I would like to share with you."

Loki scowls. "That was a pipe dream."

Thor shrugs and smiles. "Perhaps. Perhaps not," he says, because Thor has never been afraid to dream. 

Loki is a master of plots and plans. He creates complicated schemes and weaves intricate webs of lies. But he doesn't dream, not really.

"Before we were crowned... I meant what I said," Thor says, and pain is etched into his features, mourning the loss of a life that never was. "I said I had never been happier. And you said the same."

There is nothing that Loki can say to refute this, and so he remains silent. Even then, he knew he had damned himself the moment the words left his lips.

Thor pauses briefly before placing his hand upon Loki's cheek and forcing Loki to meet his gaze. "Loki. What I mean to say is that while the circumstances may have been false, the sentiments were not."

"And what if sentiment is not enough?" Loki asks as he pushes Thor's hand away.

Thor smiles. "It has been enough to keep us connected to each other for centuries, despite all of our differences. I think it will hold."

Loki rolls his eyes. "You would."

"Loki," Thor says, "from the time we were children, all of my happiest days were those spent with you. You and I... we have always been, and we always will be."

Loki glares at Thor. "Our childhood was not as rosy as you painted it. At least, not all the time," he concedes. 

"I know," Thor says. "No matter how highly I may have thought of myself in the past, I know that I am far from perfect. But I love you, Loki, I always have. There were times when I was selfish and clumsy with your affections, but I never meant to hurt you." 

"But you did, despite your best intentions," Loki spits out, because he cannot just let it go, not so easily.

"Yes. And you helped me, despite your worst ones."

Loki shrugs in an attempt to brush it off. "I only did it to stay alive."

Thor shakes his head. "You didn't have to help me at all. You could have left me there on the street to die but you chose not to."

Loki doesn't say a word, just stares out into the distance. Rain still falls, but the sky has begun to clear and sunlight streams through. Thor slips an arm around Loki's shoulder, pulling Loki into his warmth. 

"A wise person once told me that you can't run away forever," Thor says, smiling and nudging Loki softly with his chin. 

"Did they now?"

Though Loki has lived for a long time, he cannot say that he's truly wise. If he were, he wouldn't have to face the irony of his own words coming back to him.

Loki remembers when they were children, running through the forests of Asgard. The days where he felt invincible, as if they could run forever side by side just for the sheer joy of it. But eventually they always stopped, collapsing onto the ground breathless and laughing.

So for the first time in years, Loki doesn't try to plot or plan or think of anything beyond the present moment. Instead he curls up into Thor's side as they weather the end of the storm together. 


End file.
